Maybe You’re The Reason I’ve Had Trouble Breathing

Josh Felise
Josh Felise

How far the hold you have on me goes
Your image in my brain a permanent imprint
My sensibilities are eclipsed- my capacity for rational thought evaporated
Your lips like peach kisses, curl into a grin that kills
Juice runs down my chin
I catch the drops with my tongue

My head spins and I fall dizzy dizzy to the ground at your feet
I am consumed by you, a supernova, a star, with light so bright I can’t see past your rays
I don’t want to see past your rays
Your absence leaves darkness
Leaves me heartbroken and disoriented
I’m not sure my eyes will be able to adjust

I think I fell in love with your hands first
They are kind, did you know?
Gentle, caring, slim
With fingers long, that drum against the steering wheel
The only song I want to hear
They rest on your lap and I can only imagine what they’re capable of
You’re hands are X-rated, in need of a warning sign
I run with possibilities when they are in my line of sight, the only exercise I crave
Well, not the only exercise
They are warm, like you
Golden light glows from your nail beds, seep into the pads of your fingertips that leave balmy tracks on my thighs
I squirm under your touch

Those hands
Damn those hands
I knew when I saw them, I was in trouble

You shouldn’t be allowed to make me feel like this
I think of you and my thoughts run
Together they jump and hurdle tumble and fall
With broken bones and sprained ankles
Busted knees and scraped shin bones
They fall into chaos in a matter of moments
I think of you and my heart races
I think of you and I want you with me
I think of you and I feel a longing so deep
That tears build at the base of my eyelashes, thick drops that consume my vision
I can’t function
When you infect me with your memory

Maybe it’s for the best that you are far
Maybe it’s for the best that we are not together
Because I couldn’t operate at a normal rate with you by my side
With you near, I cannot think of anything else
This, from the girl who can get distracted by a bumble bees buzz-
As though she’s never been outside before

You’d think I’ve never liked anyone before, with the way you make me feel
Because this? This is all consuming
A mix of pleasure and pain so deliciously distressing that I suck greedily at the fountain that spills this black liquid
Fiery shots of cinnamon mixed with brown sugar
That leave ashes piled at the base of my throat
And spill into the hollow of my lungs
Maybe that’s why I’ve had trouble breathing

There’s a pressure in my chest
I need to release this breath
I count one, two, three
I gasp, weak
Come on baby, let it out
Tears of frustration pin prick my eyes
I give in to defeat so quickly
This air is pushing against my heart
I claw at my chest in the night
Jagged scratches that leave raw red records across my rib cage
You kiss the scars in the morning Thought Catalog Logo Mark

too busy daydreaming…

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