A Few Nonsensical Thoughts That Keep Me Awake In The Middle Of The Night

A village inspired pillow and blanket design.
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1. We’ve only explored about 5% of the ocean, meaning that over 95% of it remains a mystery. The earth is a whopping 71% ocean. WTF? That’s too much dark and murky mystery.

What is down there? I’ve read that you wouldn’t be able to even see what’s in front of your face if you were down there. It would all be like a big black fog all around. But of course, we can’t be down there because of the incredible amount of pressure the water above would exert. And now I’m cold and I can’t breathe.

2. I, or anyone I hold dear, could literally have a brain aneurysm at any moment.

3. I can die at any given moment. The thought, however, isn’t frightening. What does it say about me that thinking I could drop dead any minute doesn’t scare me?

4. Nobody can really wake up dead because you can’t wake up when you’re dead. Is the whole dying experience different when you die asleep? Is it the same? Do you remain in your dream? What happens when you don’t and your dream ends? Are you aware?

5. DMT. It’s just insane. I really hope that when the end of my life comes I have a good trip.

6. We are going to run out of gas. What I mean when I say this, is that the whole universe is literally running out of gas.

The galaxies. Are. Running. Out. Of. Gas.

This study I read said that there are fewer stars out there being formed than there used to be. This is because there’s a depletion in molecular hydrogen. The universe is also expanding (as we’re literally dying), preventing galaxies from capturing the fuel they need for star formation. So not only will we run out of light, but galaxies will start to die. There’s actually one I read about called IC3418 that is “literally running on fumes.”

The universe will grow in darkness, be cooled (too cold to sustain life), black holes will dominate and eventually disappear and then it will get really hot and then there will be nothing.

Or something like that.

7. Is there something wrong with me because I spend a lot of time thinking about death?

8. Stars. It’s insane how when we look up at them we do so with longing, with some sort of hope, but we’re actually looking into the past. We are looking back at ourselves. At where we came from. The stars we see now are billions of years old. It can be a bit nostalgic until you think about how they’re dead or dying.

9. Did I lock my car? The front door? The back?

10. We are killing this earth. Every day we are killing this earth. Before the end of the universe comes, what will there be left here?

11. There are 25-50 ACTIVE serial killers living in the United States who are also doing some killing right now. Who are they? Where are they living? What do they look like? What are they doing?

12. There’s still a bunch of serial killers that we know about that remain at large.

13. Who was the Zodiac Killer?

14. But MORE IMPORTANTLY, who killed JonBenét Ramsey?

15. 12 million Americans are sociopaths. I’ll have to remind myself to use this as an excuse as to why I don’t date.

16. I really hope that the Me in parallel worlds is doing okay. I hope she has an active sex life and is going on dates. I hope she’s also getting the sleep I need. TC mark

Natalia Vela

poet and bruja. still checking books out from your local library.

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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