I Love You, With So Much Certainty That I’m Actually Afraid


I love you so much. Do you know that?

One day, you are going to change and you might leave me. You told me not to think like this, but you know you can’t promise me forever, and that’s okay. I sure as hell don’t expect you to, for we may be the captains of our ships but not of the sea.

Still, this awareness has not kept me from praying to the heavens to let you stay by my side another sunrise before I go to bed every night. It has not stopped me from fearing what comes with every tomorrow. It has only been turning me more and more of a fool each day, doubting that I’ll ever be ready to lose you.

We’re at the peak of our youth, when more things are bound to change than stay the same. With so many things having yet to happen, you are going to become a different person, I am going to become a different person, and this is how we might fall apart.

Don’t say that you’ll never change. I hope you do. I want you to, because I love you. I know that life still has so much in store for an amazing person like you and I want you to take all of them along with all that you’re meant to be, even if it means we aren’t meant to be.

Coming down to it all, this is just me saying that I love you, not with doubt, but with so much certainty I’ve become afraid. I am truly, deeply, madly in love with you, and I will love you until I can’t… until I shouldn’t… until I don’t. Even though I might not be able to be with you forever, tomorrow cannot rewrite all the beautiful stories we’re marking in time as we go. What adds to our future won’t be able to deduct from the number of times you’re making my heart beat, and all the memories we’re unraveling in these moments which we refuse to let pass us by. I tell myself this truth is enough. I might come to love another person someday, but that can never change the fact that today, who I love… is you.

And honestly, if I can say one more prayer, it would be that the new person that the future me will love would just be the future you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Likes not knowing what’s next, doesn’t like knowing what could’ve been. Possibilities over security. Themes over goals. How it could be over how it is.

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