For anyone who’s ever gotten out of a serious relationship, you know that ending it isn’t the hardest part — the hardest part is knowing it’s over. Knowing that the whole relationship and every aspect of it is just gone now. That is what has you sobbing on your couch with a tub of cookie dough, smothering your dog and watching reruns of Sex and the City. And after a few days, you start feeling lonely. Yeah, you have your girlfriends’ support, and yeah that guy is a total jerk, but you miss that jerk. You think to yourself, I can still text him. He can still be in my life. It will be okay.
But NO. You can’t do that, and this is why.
1. Missing them won’t be easier. In fact, it will be even harder on you to see them all the time. Missing the relationship will be especially painful when you’re spending time with the person you used to have that relationship with.
2. Your relationship won’t be the same. You guys will have already been so close with each other, seeing one another as friends will be almost impossible. It’ll be like, “Do you want whipped cream on your frappe? Speaking of whipped cream, remember that one time you sprayed it all over my-” and then you’ll feel like crap.
3. It isn’t fair to them. Chances are, your breakup was hard on them, too. They’re going through all of the same emotions you are. I know it’s super cheesy, but if you care about them you won’t want them to be in pain, and pain is exactly what you’re putting them through by trying to be friends.
4. It will be harder for you both to move on. For a while, you’ll still see them as the person you loved, and they’ll probably still see you that way. Trying to be friends, especially trying to hang out regularly, will only serve to hinder you. If you want to move on, you can’t keep up a relationship with the person you want to move on from. ‘Nuf said.
5. It’s going to suck when they move on. The moment they start talking about Sally Whatshername (and that’s bound to happen) you’re going to feel like poop. There’s something about a past lover talking about their current lover that makes you insanely jealous, even if you’ve found a new lover yourself..
6. You will think about getting back together with them. Trust me, this is not a good idea. There’s a reason you broke up. I know, you want someone to call you baby and watch Disney with you, and they were so cute when they did that thing with their nose. Sure there were lots of good things to remember… remember the bad parts, though Maybe you fought too much, or they weren’t open enough with you, or you weren’t open enough with them. You don’t want that again, do you? No, you don’t.
7. You’ll feel so much better when you finally get over them. Once you come out of your little cave and look at the world without them, you’ll wish you had done it sooner. No more worrying about what to say to them and what they’re really thinking about you and /do they miss me, too?/ It’ll be like walking into pure freedom, my friend. I promise.
On a positive and completely self-conflicting note, staying friends is possible. Not likely, but possible. For all of those who have achieved this feat without getting scorned, kudos to you! For most of us, though, it’s better to just move on. The process can be difficult, but you’ll get there, and you’ll love it. Good luck and godspeed.