Your Love Scares Me, But I’m Choosing It Anyway

Kristopher Roller
Kristopher Roller

“You’re the first person this insecure self has come to love.”

I’ve grown up to be the person I’ve never expected myself to be.

I used to give up on the idea of love, thinking that as plain looking as I am no one, would ever dare to look my way and ask for a dance.


But you did.

You came in unplanned and asked for that one dance. 
Your hand slipped through my fingers, and the light shone on you. 
Although I’ve been tricked several times, 
because boys, they came in just like the way you did.

They promised the beautiful words that you told me too, and I just immediately label you the same. 

As the one in which I offered that one night hoping for a stay in return.

The one that’ll end up leaving me without reasons. 

Being a person that has been fooled so many times I was numb to your words, 
but at the same time I am a hopeless romantic, I fell way too many times before and 
it ended with me waiting for you to break my numbness. 

Yes, and you did it again. You broke in, tried to fix the errors within.

You held my hands, you embraced me when I said I was scared of you.

But dear, I am still scared.

A form of trust was made within this fragile string of fate.

But…

What if you’re just the same as those liars, but you decided to stay a little longer than the rest.
 Just to prove that you are better than them. 

What if you are just a lesson for me to learn, not to like someone this much, not to be reckless at falling in love.

I guess those thoughts are no longer valid at this moment, since I am already dragged into this relationship too deep.

You have no idea what you have done to me.
My body shivers at the sight of your back from a distance.

The imagery of you leaving me with or without reason is suffocating.

I couldn’t bear nights without hearing your voice, or even you and your stupid games.

I can’t help myself to say I am in love with everything that rhymes with you. 

Even when you’re with your own world, when you had forgotten that it’d make me feel less visible.
I will still admit, you are the first person I’ve come to love. 

When silence occurred and I wrecked my brain trying to find topics to talk about just not to bore you.


You are the person I decide to love.

Even when I’m breaking little by little, I’ll make sure that you are still you.
The person that I’ve come to love. 

I decide to live every moment like you’re going to leave, I won’t let regrets haunt me by the time our story ends. 

You said “we’ll never know” and I nodded in response.

Agreeing to every new experience that may or may not have an end.

But please, for every moment when you’re with me, treat it as something precious that will slip right through your hand when you’re not looking. 
Cause you’ll never know when I’ll get tired of loving the one that’s never really sure. TC mark

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