So it turns out I hate you. Not because I want you back and this is some sad way of getting your attention. Not because you seem happy now without me. Not even because I wasted 3.5 years of my time on you and can never get it back.
I hate you because you made me into this ugly person that I’m not.
You broke me down bit by bit until I was only a shadow of my former self. You made me believe that you would always be there for me and yet I couldn’t even rely on you for the simplest of things.
After I lost 22 pounds you told me that I’m fat and that you are uncomfortable with my body—I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive you for that. You selfish, insecure asshole.
You picked me up and dropped me, as you were too careless to realize that it was your responsibly to keep me safe. Do you know what I hate most about that? You ruined me for other people. Now when someone tries to pick me up, I freak out. Fuck you for that.
You were too insecure and socially retarded to make an effort with my awesome friends even though I went out of my way to connect with your friends, some friendships that I maintain to this day.
You believed that money could solve problems, yet it never made me less lonely. Little did you know that having money only made you poor. It is quite pathetic when people try to buy friends and feelings.
I became this neurotic, insecure, clingy woman desperate for your attention and it literally took me months to remember that this is not who I am. I had to fight through some pretty dark hours to find myself and my free spirit again.
Fighting my way back from the hollow existence that you forced me into, I realized that you never deserved me. Never. Not even for a moment.
My baggage makes me strong and it turned me into the woman I am today. Yes I now have some battle scars, but I wear them with pride.
The one thing that I am thankful for is the strength that you made me realize I have inside me. I am capable of so much more than you ever thought. I guess it is true that you need to hit rock bottom before you can see the light. You were my rock bottom.