Hi! I’m your brain. Not that we need a formal introduction, I’ve known you your whole life. Recently, however, I’ve been acting a little crazy and I’d like to apologize.
See from the moment you first laid eyes on him, my synapses couldn’t connect quick enough to compute what was happening. Sure I’ve processed similar feelings of infatuation, but this was different. Then he spoke to you and I was sure I was suffering a system crash. Turning words into sentences has never been such a feat. But I overcame it.
Then he touched your arm. And kissed you. And told you he loved you. This is when I failed you.
I couldn’t figure out how to help you. You’ve never felt more elated than when you were with him, so I told you to keep him close. But the ante was upped and the possibility of heartbreak was real, so I urged you to push him away. When he bought you flowers I assisted in picking out the names of your future children. Then he cancelled plans at the last minute and I convinced you to believe he just wasn’t that into you. I had you smiling and scowling; laughing and crying; happy and scared all in the span of a single bowling frame.
I should have warned you. The promise you made to him—to stop stressing about your relationship—that will never be kept. You’ll break that promise. You’ll wonder. You’ll worry. I can’t control it.
This is all very frustrating, I know. I wish I could help you, I really do. If there were some sort of switch to keep you from slowly going insane, I’d flip it. Tragically, that switch does not exist.
At this point you’re mad beyond comprehension, but if I could just say one more thing…
I’ve calculated every fear and doubt and it came down to this; you’re happy. You may not always notice it, but even when you are at your wits end this love brings you more joy than I could have possibly imagined for you. You have obtained the greatest feeling anyone could hope for and you can hold that marvel, but you have to stop standing in your own way. Stop overthinking and just allow yourself to be.
Again, I’m truly sorry. But I promise to do my best to keep you fully functioning, because, you see, I enjoy this feeling too.