Let me guess — you’re tired of ‘wasting your time’ dating the wrong men, but you snub the guys who are actually marriage material.

You base your benchmark for men on good-looks, feelings and impulse.

You’re drawn to men who are uber-confident, aloof, provocative and intriguing — the bad boys. You crave the excitement that comes with a guy who makes you feel uncertain, insecure and lovesick. But when he cheats on you or he dumps you, months later (even years later) you still pine for him even though he broke your heart.

Girlfriend, there’s something wrong with your “husband picker.”

According to eHarmony, some smart women out there are intentional about recognizing signs that he’s the wrong man. When they do, those women get out and move on.

Not you!

You’re afraid of being alone, so you ignore the warning signs of anti-social personalities. You commit to a dysfunctional man and then try to fix him.

You refuse to date men who don’t measure up to your high expectations, and so you date men who are boasting, arrogant and unattainable. Or, you don’t know how to end an abusive relationship because you’re co-dependent and you’re addicted to the intense sex he gives you.

Ladies, if you ever hope to achieve a meaningful, long-term relationship, you must change your dating model and break your cycle of dating the wrong men.

Dating a quality man is a conscious choice — and it requires willpower. That includes doing the following:

• You MUST consciously STOP dating emotionally unavailable men, bad boys and jerks.
• You MUST know the traits and qualities that you TRULY value in a man and hold out for a guy with those qualities.
• You MUST ignore your initial fluttering, tingling sensations with the ‘cool’ guy, and you MUST give a nice guy a chance to show you his intelligence, his reliability, his fun side and his respect and adoration for you.
• You MUST avoid the emotional highs and lows of a love-addict and seek a relationship that encourages personal growth, trust and stability.
• You MUST pay attention to the warning signs of a dysfunctional man and immediately STOP dating him.
• You MUST stop looking for validation and happiness in a man and you MUST realize your self-worth as a woman.
• You MUST reject a man’s disingenuous flattery and seduction and, instead, get “turned on” by a man’s kindness, dependability and unconditional love.
• You also MUST stop dating to ‘fall in love’ and start dating to find the right man to fall in love with.

Here’s what to look for when searching for the Right Man:

He doesn’t make you wonder and worry. He calls when he says he will and he texts you frequently. He does what he says he will do.

He doesn’t make you feel suspicious or mistrustful. He talks openly about his past, present and future.

He makes you feel special. It’s more than words — you can see his adoration for you in his eyes and you feel it in his touch.

He plans activities that he knows you’ll enjoy. He takes you on dates to your favorite restaurant and he buys tickets to the Broadway show you want to see.

He’s flexible. If you have a change in plans, no problem … he rearranges his life to be with you.

He doesn’t make you jealous. He doesn’t flirt or talk about other women.

He likes being seen with you. He takes you around his friends and family.

He’s considerate to everyone. He treats his friends, family, and strangers with respect. He doesn’t disparage people behind their backs.

He’s nice to your friends. He enjoys being around your friends and he doesn’t mind sharing you with them.

He’s easy to talk to. He listens and he communicates and he doesn’t hyper-criticize you.

He expresses his respect and affection for you. He opens doors for you. He holds your hand while walking down the street. He brings you flowers. He cooks for you. He gives you well thought-out gifts.

He adds to the quality of your life. He supports you in the things that are important to you.
He shares a common interest with you. He’s willing to try new things at least once.

He’s independent. But he clearly wants you in his life, too.

He takes responsibility for his inconsiderate behavior. He apologizes easily and doesn’t try to shift blame onto you.

He doesn’t boast or overstate the truth. In fact, you’re surprised and impressed by his accomplishments.

He doesn’t press you for sex. He knows there is plenty of time for sex because he sees you in his life forever.

He’s open about wanting to see you again. Before your date ends with him, he asks you out for your next date.

He feels normal (even a little boring). He’s predictable, dependable, trustworthy, thoughtful and even-tempered.

He makes you feel like he wants to take care of you.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.