What It’s Like Having Sex At 50

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Image – Flickr /theaftershock

Sex in your 50s!!  Oh, what an interesting thing to write about because too many people think it’s simply gross. I can’t believe I am fucking 50. I can’t believe I am writing about fucking at age 50.  It’s just that I realized there isn’t anything written about people doing it at my age.  So, this is my way of helping all of us who are dealing with the whole concept of “if I am lucky I might live 30 more years.”

We can’t take anything for granted anymore and we certainly can’t take for granted that we will be able to have sex the way we have had sex.  But this article is really more a how to stay happily married and keep the sex alive article.  It’s also an, “it’s ok to be weird” to make it work article.

More often than not, a physical issue pops up and not in a good way. One of us at some time or another gets some kind of cramp, either in our ass or in our legs. It’s become painfully obvious that it’s going to get worse too.  Doing it is work and at age 50 you are way more tired.  Being interested at all is work, so how do you keep it alive?

If you have happened to stay married with the same person you have to be bored to death a lot of the time. We have gone through many phases and I contribute this to keeping our marriage alive but we are running out of phases. When we first got married ( I was 8 months pregnant) we just screwed like everyone else. It was easy, didn’t even need porn or toys. Having sex was free and easy.

Then after about 6 years, we were really bored so we started our role playing phase.  That was awesome and it lasted for years.  What was wonderful was my husband was really great at it and he never lost character. Neither of us did and the best one we ever had was attorney neighbor meets restaurant hostess neighbor.  I loved that guy. He rubbed my feet and we smoked weed and screwed for a good while. I honestly hoped he would call but he didn’t.

But sadly, even the role playing phase wore out its welcome and we had to come up with something new.  Lo and behold, we both at the same time started liking S & M. It was light S &M, nothing crazy but that one has lasted well over 10 years.  I got nipple thingys and he was smacking my ass and it was great but then one day I just didn’t want to get my ass smacked anymore.  What was a couple to do?

So, here we are: I am 50, he’s 48 and what comes up?  You will never guess…

ANAL!!!  I never really could do anal. It just really hurt BAD but then one day we were taking a shower because I can’t have sex anymore if I haven’t showered and he was trying to stick it in there and I let him.  He has always tried but I always said no.  I think the soap was the trick. I liked it and it didn’t really hurt all that bad.

Can you imagine after 21 years of marriage we found another phase??? It’s like Pandora’s Box, though. The dude can’t get enough.  I don’t know what will happen next. This one can definitely last for years and I just hope I don’t have some kind of rectal prolapse but then hopefully by then we will just be happy to be alive. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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