The Dilemma Of Being Emotionally Intelligent

The Answer:

Love comes and goes. When a relation is only based on lust, it won’t last. It would vanish even before the honeymoon phase ends.

If the relation is based on higher emotions, it might last longer, but it also won’t last forever. Our emotions are not stable. What we love today might not be something we like tomorrow.

The only thing that can fasten a relation is for the mind to be convinced, to have that kind of undoubtable belief. That this person frequency is truly in tune with our character and standards.

Our generation is very unlucky. We listen to music and we watch movies that are all revolved on the word “love.” This makes us think that whenever we love someone, it’s a done deal.

Love changes and vanishes. Those hormones that are able to work well today on making us see the perfection in an unworthy person won’t be functional forever.

Making fake excuses to idolize somebody won’t keep those butterflies flying the same forever. Love is not blind. We will finally realize that it’s not us, it’s them. We will finally realize that their limitations are permanent.

The problem with most relationships nowadays is that there is one partner who is strong and they want their partner to concede.

This makes the relationship more like a power struggle. Most of the generous people, or those who are empathetic, are unfortunately the ones who are most likely to fall into this trap.
Not because they are not emotionally intelligent, actually, it’s the opposite. Those individuals don’t look for perfection in their partners.

They empathize, and they excuse a lot of things. They don’t mind being the one giving more because they actually enjoy giving. They are strong, and they expect the same in their partner. But At the end we realize that humankind is not only stupid, but also very stubborn and most people don’t like thinking and most people don’t value what is being freely or cheaply given.

The Question:

There must be something more.

It’s our life, it’s not a one-hour walk, and to make a relationship work, two people need to get rid of their selfishness.

They must set priorities and understand that it’s not all about one’s self. This is something we can’t see anywhere but in those selfless people, and those are very few.

A friend once told me this: “We have to step back and look at the whole picture, a person who only has their interests at heart will only rob us of who we are and will continue to take until there is nothing left.”

When we finally find the one who deserves our love, it’s likely we have finally noticed this person’s existence after being around them for some time. Maybe they has been in our life all along.

For different reasons and for a quite a while, our subconscious just stupidly convinced us that it won’t work. We regret the time we spent with other people. We set a plan to fix what can be fixed. At the end, they are what we have been looking for since when we were born. At least that what we tell ourselves.

Then our hopes get crashed by their insecurity. The insecurity they are still not mature enough to be aware of it. They are still where we spent our whole life searching for them. It’s not that they have different needs, that they see us as a friend or that we are not able sweep them off their feet. It’s simply that they decide to stay with their greatest bastard. That someone won’t give them anything close to what we are willing to give.

They prefer a puddle of mud over the ocean. We know this because we are able to spot such people when we see them, as we probably wasted our whole life in mud too.

And we start wondering, is it true that leaving our door open can change our life forever? Does everything really happen for a reason?

The Dilemma:

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.”
It’s vicious circle, catch-22 or call it whatever you want. We find ourselves stuck where we want this person more than anything, more than anything.

We are seeing them hurting themselves, but we still cannot do anything about it. We actually completely understand and excuse their need to continue in this self-harm.
We actually know how much they are not enjoying it. We sit there waiting, or maybe more like wondering, when they will finally wake up.

We find ourselves back again to be hurt just like before. Only worse, because this time our pain is not because of our choices, but because of our soulmate self-harm.

Soulmate, this sounds to be a little bit exaggerated since we are not even with this person yet. So how could we say that? Well, “Welcome to Wikipedia nation, you don’t have to remember anything anymore”

According to Wikipedia on the origin of the word soulmate:

Long time ago, humans used to have four arms, four legs, one head with two faces and two set of genitalia. Humans were very powerful for the back-then- new-crowned-gods and they started to threaten these new gods’ throne.

The gods wanted to destroy all the human with lightning as what they did to the Titan. The problem would be that they would lose the tributes given to them by humans. Zeus, came up with a very smart and ‘creative’ solution. He suggested splitting humans in half. This would make humans weaker and they won’t be able to threaten gods anymore.

It would also double the number of humans who would give tribute to gods. And it was done this way, humans were split into halves.

Those humans lived their life in utter misery, each would only have one set of genitalia and would forever long for their other half; the other half of his/her soul.
Unfortunately, in life, it is often not enough to deserve something. We must also fight with our mind (i.e. determination) and our heart (i.e. a positive and friendly attitude) to obtain our rights.

And when it comes to love, we know that love is not control. True love has only one way: it is to be unconditional. When we love someone knowing that they are not perfect, it only tells us that we would always love them by hook or by crook. Contradiction? Now we start to question ourselves again, maybe we too are still not mature enough.

But the retort to that comes easily. All those stabs that our heart got in the past changed us. Unfortunately, some wounds can never be healed. Now there is only a certain distance that we would be willing to travel to be with someone, even if that someone is our true soulmate.

And so it is you decide to spend your life like a Dogless-bone. That would be the better end of the story. Hoping that you two will meet again and be together, in your next life, when you both are dolphins. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog