I Am Taking My Life Back From Myself

Today is the third day of a new month, and I have realized a few things, thanks to some articles on psychology, intense deep thinking, and conversations with loved ones.

Let’s dive into what those awe moments were.

Two days ago, Friday night, my day was over. The sky was dark outside, and the stars were shining bright. I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, drinking a golden ale, listening to an old McFly’s song on repeat. My thoughts were racing. I was feeling conflicted once again.

I was fed up of pretending, of hiding, of being afraid to divulge any information about my past, about my goals, like they were gonna fade away like pixie dust if I said them out loud or to the wrong people. I felt like I couldn’t differentiate who were the bad guys and who were the well-intentioned persons around me. It was tiring. I was more than fed up with it. What should I do to get out of this? Who do I turn to for advice? How can I get my power and my life back?

Wait… Get my power back from what? From whom? This is the deepest question I have asked myself. I was avoiding it for so long, but now is the perfect time to reflect on oneself and face the ugly truth about you and what old destructive patterns you’ve been following for too long.

I am realizing now that I didn’t want to face the truth. I was lying to myself. I was blaming everyone else, when in reality the only one to blame was myself. I always had to be angry at someone (most often a woman). I was too often envying another girl because she was taller, blonder, more sportive, or more educated than I thought I was. I wasted time comparing myself to the wrong persons. I was always trying to change the way I looked, trying to read about everything and keep up with the news to not sound stupid in front of people. I envied how much they knew about a subject that I thought I had to be an expert on, too.

I was all wrong. I was so wrong, all down the line.

You cannot be an expert on every freaking subject there is out there. It is simply impossible. Besides, what would be the point of having conversations with others if not to be enlightened by their way of thinking or to listen to what they could teach you? It would never lead to brilliant, stimulating conversations. Research, reading, and keeping updates on global news is essential as an adult. What one has to understand is that people talk about what they know and what they love, and that’s what makes them captivating. Yes, they are experts, but experts on what sparks their interest.

The truth is, we have different passions, leisure activities, and intellectual interests. It is as simple as that. So the real question is: What piques your interest? What are you curious about? What are you eager to learn about? Make a list and get on with it. It will be easier to memorize and talk about it later with friends. So instead of stressing about not knowing what your interlocutor is talking about, you should listen and bring a new perspective on the matter. You should also take the chance to bring something new to the table and talk about a topic that resonates with who you are—you could teach them something that they maybe didn’t know.

Then instead of changing my hair color three times a year, I should have looked for a role model that looked more like me and had achieved so much in her life that would make me realize it is possible, as long as I set my mind to it. Yes, you can do it as well.

The important lesson here is to be and to remain determined, no matter the obstacles you face on the path you’re taking. Accept the fact that life is not easy. Getting to where you want to be will be tricky sometimes, but it will also be so much more rewarding when you get there.

Be patient with yourself and the goals you set. It will all work out in the end as long as you get rid of all the clouds in your head and listen to your inner Jiminy Cricket. Aim to become more aware of yourself and push your limits in whatever you want to accomplish in your life. Believe in yourself.

About the author
" have courage and be kind" Follow Naïma on Instagram or read more articles from Naïma on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related