You realized you didn’t want to heal first, because you were afraid. But, darling, what were you afraid of ?
At the end of the day, it is not about how they feel or how badly they treated you. It is about how you want to treat yourself and what mindset you choose to remain in.
Learn to be present in the moment, right now.
No matter where you come from, where you are going and how long you are staying, you will always learn something about yourself (and others).