Reading two consecutive stories with a person dying in it made me think. The thought that whatever you say may be the last thing you’ll ever say to a person. The thought that you probably won’t even be able to say goodbye.
The uncertainty of life is frightening. I don’t want to die without living my life to its fullest. I don’t want to die with regrets. I don’t want to die in fear. Because if the time comes that I need to go, I want to go in peace.
All I can think is that, I can’t die now because I’m still scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to say I love you enough to the people that matter to me. I’m scared because I still want to ask forgiveness from the people I hurt. I still want to forgive the people that hurt me, even myself. I can’t die now, not yet.
I’m still reaching for my dreams, still aspiring to be successful. I’m not even halfway there, yet I fear the possibility that I may never get there, ever. I’m not ready to go. Maybe no one really is ready for this, for death.
I’m not dying. Thinking about death does not tantamount to thinking about killing yourself or actually dying. It’s just acknowledging the fact that the days we live are limited. No one is really able to escape death when it comes for you. You won’t be able to run away from it, when it comes your way. This is just accepting the truth that we’ll expire sooner or later. And that we should live our life to its fullest, it is as they say, short.
Life is definitely short. No one probably wants to die with regret or with something holding you back. I don’t want to die thinking about the things I could’ve done and the things I should’ve said.
So before anything else happens, I’ll start with this. I’ll start with loving the people that matter without any boundaries. I’ll start with choosing to be good. I’ll start with trying rather than thinking I can’t. I’ll start with myself because eventually that’s how it will end.