I’m A Woman Engaged To A Man With No Sex Drive (And I Don’t Know What To Do)

Shutterstock, iordani
Shutterstock, iordani

I’m a twenty-something woman who’s engaged to a guy in his mid-thirties. We’ve been together for two and a half years. And I’m starting to realize that his libido is extremely low.

It’s low enough that it’s taking a toll on our relationship (at least for me). I want to note that it’s been like this since the 6 MONTH PERIOD. He doesn’t think sex is a big part of a relationship. He’s told me that it’s not a huge deal to him because I should be able to rely on a dildo if I’m craving sex. Plain and simple, sex isn’t a form of intimacy to him.

In movies and TV shows it’s never joked about how the boyfriend or husband turns the woman down for sex… it’s always the woman who’s “not in the mood” and has to make her man grovel. But what most people don’t realize (because it’s very hush hush) is that women get turned down just as much. I can understand not being in the mood from time to time, but when it’s ALL the time, something’s up. Even if he’s not cheating, he’s getting his fix elsewhere (aka porn). And that’s not fair either. It’s straight up selfish.

I think most women wouldn’t openly admit that they are not desired sexually by their men because frankly, it’s embarrassing. I’m not sure why, it just is. As a still young, attractive and energetic woman, it’s hard coming home to a guy who doesn’t take you seriously in the bedroom. It’s hard going out with girlfriends and getting hit on, knowing you’re coming home to a guy who barely looks at you because he gets his fix from porn occasionally.

We’ve had numerous fights and discussions surrounding this topic, but you can’t force your partner to be “into you”. Our sex life is pretty bad. And I’m very open to fulfilling his fantasies but he refuses to work on the issue. He’s extremely lazy in the bedroom and has openly admitted that it’s just easier to masturbate because it requires less effort. I find myself getting extremely resentful and bitter about our relationship. He makes me feel unwanted and undesirable. That horny animal that was once there in the beginning? Where the hell did he go?! And I know for a fact that he’s not cheating, because says I should be lucky that he’s not. And as much as I’m grateful that he’s not cheating, the alternative isn’t the best option either. Coming home to a guy who’s not into you is terrible.

My advice to women is make sure you find yourself a partner where you guys are on the same page about certain issues. Be sure to discuss what is important to you in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you want because in the end, you’ll end up bitter and unhappy. If something isn’t working in the relationship, it’ll play out into other aspects and before you know it, you’ll be left with a huge unhappy mess. TC mark

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