I’ll start by saying that for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I’m not living the life you want me to be living right now. I’m sorry that I’m spending my prime years doing things you don’t want me to do.
Believe me, I can imagine how disappointed you must be. I know that if you could, you would give my life a one hundred eighty-degree turn, putting back on the path you had wanted me to go down since I was a kid. However, what you want of me really just isn’t me anymore.
It seems like only yesterday, I was a living embodiment of what you wanted me to be. Since my age could be counted on one hand, it was clear that you were steering down this certain path.
Don’t get me wrong, the road you wanted me to trot down is a noble one, and it’s one that serves the world like few professions do. I know that few families in this vast world would turn down the prospect of having a doctor or lawyer or engineer within their bloodline.
I know that, I really do, and I cherished all those times you would tell me how proud you were, or that I was best child any parent could ask for. If anything, that’s probably why I forced myself to meet your expectations for all those years.
The years do go by, though. I picked up a thing or two about the world I live in and its flaws. I met a few people who shed new perspectives on life. Furthermore, I tried a couple of new things that I had no idea about in my earlier years.
I guess one day it just dawned upon me that as hard as I tried, what you wanted for me just wasn’t my calling.
As much as you’ve immersed me in its culture throughout the years, my heart simply belonged elsewhere. I think it’s safe to say that this is what led me into going down my own path, leaving everything else behind in one fell swoop.
Well, here I am now, doing my thing. Slowly but surely enough, I’ve come to face the reality that doing what I love just isn’t what will make you proud of me. I’ve grown to accept that this isn’t the quintessential parent-offspring relationship where you’re behind my every move regardless of how stupid.
I can’t say I blame you. I know the crowd I hang out with now isn’t one you’re overly fond of. I also know that what I’m studying now isn’t what you had ever envisioned for me, and I can feel your disappointment every time I come home past midnight rather than hitting the books like I used to.
It’s been tough living with that, but I have. I know that I’m chasing my own passion now, and that’s enough. This is my life after all, and I’m old enough to decide on these things. Still, know that the current state of relationship saddens me.
Despite all this, though, you’ve never stopped me. Even if I can sense that you’ve been downhearted at all my recent decisions, you’ve never acted as a barrier standing in the way of my twisted dreams.
You’ve given me the freedom to do my own thing, even if you’d rather I be anywhere but where I am now. I never show it, but I don’t think I could ever stress enough how much this means to me.
Your unspoken support is what helps keep me passionate and relentless in everything I do, and this is something your young, stubborn child will never take for granted.
If there’s one thing I want you to know, it’s that just because I’m not growing into the person you want me to be, that doesn’t mean I don’t still do everything to make you proud.
Everything I’m pouring my heart and soul into now is dedicated to you, even if it seems like the opposite. It could be years down the line, but I’m hopeful that one day you’ll smile and say you were glad I made all those decisions.
Until that day comes, I thank you for the freedom. I promise none of it will go to waste.