8 Important Things You Learn When A Family Member Passes

My dad’s death brought a terrible sense of imbalance to my life. Everything was a mess and seemed very terrifying. Most of the time, I was distracting myself so I wouldn’t have to come face to face with the truth. But now I am on a mission to bring balance back into my life.

For a while I really missed my dad. I missed that the comfortless and security he brought. I still have certain regrets about how he wasn’t able to see my sister graduating or watching his children get married or experience grandkids. I still miss him but I’m more grateful that he is gone. I know for a fact that he is in a better place. So where exactly am I going with this? Why am I wasting my time and yours talking about my dad’s death?


1. People will come and go.

It might be a loved one or someone you just got to know but people will leave and that’s okay. There’s a reason why someone comes into your life and why that someone has to leave. The reason may not be evident at the moment but sooner or later you will find out and you will be grateful.

2. Just because people leave, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust others.

My dad’s death made me bitter, angry, and scared but that didn’t stop me from getting attached to people. I can’t help it, I’m human. I need attention, support and love. Now that doesn’t mean I found a new dad or I depended on a boyfriend or something but it just made me realize how important it is to have relationships. This is going to sound cliché but it made me realize how lucky I am to have certain people in my life and that I shouldn’t take advantage of it.

3. How to take care of yourself.

When my dad was around, I always knew if I screwed up, I had my dad to save me — but now that that security was gone, I was pretty fragile. But that led to me learning by myself and taking care of myself. I realized after the first time I screwed up that I can defend myself. I also realized it’s good to make mistakes. Even though I came into this world with a very loving and supporting family, I realized I need to be independent.

4. If anyone or anything is stopping you from being happy or not allowing you to grow as a person, get rid of them.

And those people and things could be very close to you. I learned the hard way that not everyone wants the best for you. It was a pretty scary experience because most of those people were loved ones but that didn’t stop me from cutting them off. Some people don’t understand how I can cut people off so easily. It’s easy for me because I have come to realize it is more important for me to focus on myself and my happiness before anyone else’s. Before I can be a good daughter, sister, friend, wife, or even in general just a person, I am going to have to focus on myself. So when I see a threat to my happiness and development as a person, I will do anything to get rid of it. It is a selfish thing to do but it is the right thing to do and I think everyone should follow this rule. The important thing to keep in mind is that is it that you’re doing it for yourself and no one and I mean NO ONE needs an explanation.

5. It’s not always about the Prince Charming, sometimes the Princess just gotta step it up and be a Queen.

Love is not always the answer. I spent a long time fantasizing that a boy is going to come and save me from this emptiness. After a while I realized that I need to put Twilight and Confessions of a Shopaholic down and start getting rid of this depression on my own. This isn’t 500 Days of Summer and it’s time to take things into my own hands. And I did! Well, I am! And so far it’s going great! Now I’m not saying don’t fall in love! That’s crazy! I’m just saying being independent is very important. You are allowed to be independent and fall in love. I haven’t fall in love yet but at least I got myself out of depression without anybody’s help.

6. Distractions are good, but don’t get lost and forget about the important things.

My escape was Friends, the TV show. I finished the show in about a month and kept on watching it over and over again (it’s one of my favorite shows and a perfect distraction.) It still is a distraction for me when I have a bad day. “I’ll Be There For You” by the Rembrandts brought this sense of happiness for me. From watching it over and over again, the show became a source of escape when it felt like I couldn’t deal with my dad’s death, though I finally did. What I’m trying to say here is that you don’t have to immediately accept the truth. Spend some time on your own, take full advantage of your distractions but make sure come back to reality and accept it. This way you’ll be able to move forward and be more at peace.

7. Another cliché but so true: everything happens for a reason.

I strongly believe my dads’ death saved him, so even though I miss him, I know he is better off. The reason wasn’t clear at first but it is now and thank you God for saving him. Give it some time and you will see everything happens for a reason.

8. It’s okay to cry.

I used to think crying is for the weak and I still kind of do but that’s because I am weak. I used to bottle up feelings and then one day I would burst. I would run to my room and bawl my eyes out. There were times when it would happen in the middle of the night. I would be sleeping right next to my mom, bawling my eyes out but at the same time biting my lips really hard so she wouldn’t hear me. Two reasons I would do this: 1, Because I don’t want people to think I’m weak; and 2, I don’t want be a burden. The truth: it’s ridiculous to do this. It’s good to cry, let it all out and stop the suffering. Find someone who is willing to listen and bawl your eyes out. (Tip for a person who knows someone who has lost a loved one, we don’t want advice, we just want you to listen to us and let us cry.) TC mark

featured image – Danielle Moler

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