Why do I always end up going back to you?
No matter how many times I’ve pushed you away, no matter how many times fate pulled us apart, and no matter how different our worlds are, we always seem to find each other.
The first time we had drifted apart was that time you stopped communicating. You lost your phone, you said. That’s okay, I replied. But weeks and months passed by, we never conversed again. Even through text messages or Facebook chat or a little hi in the hallways, there was none. It was utter static.
But in the middle of the clash of toot’s and shhh’s coming out of nowhere, there was once again a single message. And then poof, there came the sparks again.
The next time we had fallen apart from each other was that time I thought you loved someone else. That girl who you’re always with, who you’re always talking to, whose shoulders you laid rest on, and who you danced with at the prom. She made you happy, I realized. So I was willing to let you go even if your happiness costed mine.
And so I let you go, not wholly but still, I did.
But that was also the time you thought I was going out with someone else. That boy who I was always seating beside with, who’s in the same class as I, whose jokes made me laugh, and who I also danced with at the prom. I was happy with him, you might’ve thought. So you did nothing and let it be.
But destiny said, it was not the end for the both of us. It turned out that it had so much more planned ahead of us. I wasn’t ready. You probably weren’t as well.
Because in the middle of it all, we talked again. And talked. And talked. Until our words were cocooning us again into this world that only we ever knew existed. Until my thoughts and your thoughts were basically ours to share. Until our smiles reappeared and our days were completed because of each other.
Love, however, knew better than giving us the happy ending too soon. It remembered that all hearts are meant to be broken, even partly and not wholly, just so people would learn to value what they have lost. And we weren’t its exceptions; we were actually its victims.
It turned out that, perhaps, we were right for each other, but surely, we were at the wrong time. And timing, according to my favorite author, is a bitch. I swear, it really was. Because when everything was good between us, you had to leave. You had to leave for your future. You had to leave for your dreams. And who was I to stop you?
At first, though, we tried to overcome it – the distance shallowing us into its cruelty. But like the many others who tried as well, we failed. We drifted. We drowned.
You went in your direction as I went in mine. They were different paths in different zones with different people and different stories. It was quite easy to tell that we were living in such two different worlds. And sometimes, we just had to let it be.
But I left, too. For my future and for my dreams. It was nowhere near you but somehow, nearer than I was before. And there we go again, trying, trying, but in the end, failing.
It was quite a routine, to be honest. A remarkable one. Because even if I had let you go already – this time, wholeheartedly, I’d still crave for your presence once in a while. Even if I found someone who made me want to love again – and ended up breaking my heart as well, I’d still somehow see your smile in my dreams.
And now, we found each other once again. In the middle of the diverging paths we took, fate worked its magic to make our paths meet again. This time, however, I’m not sure if it’s worth the risk and worth destroying the walls I’ve built around my heart. I only know that even if the whole world would crumble us down, I will never be scared because if there ever is an afterlife, I believe that we would still meet until then.