You Used To Light Up My World, Now I’m Learning How To Shine Without You

deygayo
deygayo

I looked at the night sky tonight while fireworks traversed through its beautiful vastness. Colors – many of them – outshined the stars. Smoke somewhat blurred my vision. People stared at it with their captivated eyes. It’s amazing, really – the feeling of being there under the blanket of sky with those enchanting colors above you.

In the end, though, the fireworks stopped, leaving us staring upward, expecting more, but realizing it’s over. The darkness is back; it was somewhat inevitable.

But somewhere in the middle of the fireworks display, I remembered you. I remembered your eyes shining like those fireworks. I remembered your voice exploding with your seemingly beautiful thoughts. I remembered the way you laughed giving color to my dull days. I remembered you in the lights – how you were fascinating yet so temporary.

I remembered the way you smile and the way you made me smile because like those fireworks, we seemed to light up the world. We seemed to be infinite.

I felt the tears forming in my eyes so I knew I had to push you away from my head – or from my heart, rather.

I knew that even though you really did save me when I was too broken to function, I still have to learn to save myself now. I knew that even though my days are instantly complete when you are near or when you notice or talk to me, now I still need to train myself to smile even without your presence. I knew that every time I ignored the feelings, all I did was make them worse. I knew you weren’t going to stay. I knew there is an end to everything.

And we were not an exception.

Because somewhere between that fireworks display, I whispered, “Goodbye.”

I was too afraid to say it but like the sky, I knew that after all the shining colors and magical lights, the darkness was still inevitable.

The end was still inescapable. And I have accepted that.

Somehow, the smoke will stop blurring and the people will stop staring but I will not stop waiting for the stars to shine. Because like the sky, even when you’re gone, I know that I am meant to uncover the stars inside of me. They may be hard to find – it may take a long time – but I know they are out here somewhere and I will always be looking for them.

And maybe someday soon, someone will enter my sky not as the fireworks but as the sun. One who will brighten even the darkest corners of me.

One who will never leave. One who I am destined to meet.

And until then, I will be waiting. TC mark

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