Would you get involved with someone who told you that they didn’t want any sort of sexual involvement in the relationship?
The majority of the people to whom I have asked this question responded with a “no.” Heck, you might also have just uttered “no” under your breath behind the screen. Most people expect some sort of physical interactions along the course of their relationship.
Let me ask you another question. Do you think sex is a necessity when it comes to having a healthy relationship? How long can a romantic relationship stay romantic without getting involved with each other’s body parts?
As hard as it is for me to accept this, I have been having a hard time identifying my sexuality. All of my past relationships have been with guys and even when I dated some for a short period of time, there were no intimate actions involved. I can confidently say that I had strong feelings for one of the guys I have dated. I still feel the sense of longing for him but I never had the desire to go “down” on him.
I have friends around me who would often tell me the reason behind as to why their relationship spiraled downhill. Guys or girls, most of them would tell me, “Once the sex became bad, the relationship also got bad.” Why is that people are so dependent on sex to make their relationship last? I understand that it is part of human nature, almost animal instinct if you may, to crave for that sexual attention. Prostitution existed since the beginning of 18th century BC and still to this day, it exists because there would always be someone looking for someone else to satisfy his or her sexual cravings. It is in our blood to lust, to satisfy that burning hunger, whether it is from masturbation, prostitution or reconciliation.
While sex is arguably the highest form of intimacy when it comes to being in a relationship with your significant other, is it possible to even start a relationship with someone who isn’t the slightest bit interested in it?
One day, my friend and I jokingly talked about how I will still be a virgin even after I graduated from university.
To prove to myself that I’m not going to be a 40-year old virgin, I decided to lose my virginity to someone who I thought was fairly attractive. And honestly, how else would I truly know if I didn’t like sex if I didn’t do it, right? It turns out, I didn’t like it. I hated it.
I partially blame the media for the myriads of examples regarding sex. Not only do they regularly promote it, they also glorify it. There is obviously nothing wrong with advocating sex and doing it (as long as one has protected sex) but it has come to a point where if you don’t like it, you are the odd one out. There was point in our life where sex had a negative stigma attached to them. Now it seems that the stigma transferred over to the people who don’t have sex. I question myself every day if there is something wrong with me, when in fact, I shouldn’t feel as if I am a less of a person for not wanting what everyone else wants.
This piece is not meant to target anyone that likes having sex. This piece is not meant to put down those who do not like having sex. As a person who is more or less confident about whom I am, I am genuinely curious if there is someone out there who would appreciate me for who I am as a person, rather than how well I can please someone in bed.
So dear future significant other, would you date me if I told you that I do not want any sort of sexual involvement in our relationship?