13 Pieces Of Relationship Advice My Dad Has Given Me Over The Years

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Sure, you may have your friends, but no one delivers as potent a dose of tough love and life advice broken down to its most basic, uncomplicated and organic form like a good, old-fashioned d-a-d. And since my own father is kind of awesome, and I’m not so selfish that I won’t share him (philosophically, not financially), I’ve composed a brief list of useful tidbits he’s imposed upon me since the day I brought my first box of Tampax. Spoiler alert: It’s all about boys.

(These are not direct quotes. These are summarizations of very long, drawn out and repetitive conversations between my father and myself — written in his voice, for maximum authenticity. Sorry in advance for the language, we’re all about open communication.)

1. “Boys ain’t shit. They’re the worst. Literally the worst. All of them. Literally all of them.”

2. “Never chase a guy. If a guy likes you, he’ll be all over you. It’ll be sickening. You won’t have to ask him where he’s at, what he’s doing. If a guy likes you, you won’t have to ask him to chill more than once. If you have to track him down, he’s not checkin’ for you.”

3. “No, you can’t give it up to a guy right away! If you like him, you have to make him wait. If not, he’ll be all, “If she’s giving it up to me this easy, who else is she giving it up to?” The less people you’ve slept with, the better. Boys like to think they’re the only one you’ve been with, even if they know that’s not true.”

4. “Never tell a guy your number. Keep that shit to yourself. Or try to make it as small as possible. If he’s asking, he’s gonna care about the answer.”

5. “I’m not saying it’s right, but guys can get away with more shit then women. Y’all put up with more. That’s just the way the world works. A guy can sleep around and it’s whatever. Girls are all “he’s a dog,” but you’ll still deal with him. If a girl sleeps around, it’s like “man, she’s a hoe.” That’s a deal breaker.”

6. “Women are way more willing to risk heartbreak than men. They fall in love like it’s nothing. Guys are terrified of that shit. Even more so than women. It takes a dude forever to get over a girl they love. That’s why they stay distant until they’re sure you’re not just another jawn.”

7. “If you gotta wonder if he likes you, he ain’t checkin’.”

8. “Don’t overanalyze shit. Guys are easy. If he seems like he’s not interested, he’s not. He’s not playing some game with you. He’s just not feeling you.”

9. “All guys want is sex. I don’t care how nice he is, from the jump, he’s thinking about getting some. It’s how their brains are wired.”

10. “Guys are visual. You can’t tell them shit, you gotta show them. If he fucks up, you gotta show him you’re not about that, you can’t just say it. Make him earn his way back in.”

11. “Somewhere along the line, girls forgot that they hold all the cards in a relationship. Y’all have all the power. You don’t have to put up with shit from a guy. Wars have been started over women; men will do anything for a girl.”

12. “Respect yourself and your body. A guy picks up on the way you treat yourself and that determines how he treats you.”

13. “Trust your intuition. Y’all girls are always right.”