When The One You Go Running Back To Is The One You Should Be Running From

Flickr/Bill Israel
Flickr/Bill Israel

Do we not all have that one person tangled so resiliently in the depths of our minds without the slightest hope of getting them out? That one person who meant the world to us once upon a time but now we wish they meant nothing at all. That person whose place we had hoped would be cemented in our future. That one person who not only bared all our secrets but was an active participant in all our endeavors. That one person who we gave every bit of ourselves to only to have them knock us down, set us on fire and leave us to burn. That one devious, awful, inexplicable person who we swore up and down to never speak to again and yet, that one person to whose charm we keep crumbling to.

Of course we remember the pain and the anguish they are responsible for. We haven’t forgotten the dark nights spent crying in their absence. Nor have we forgotten the unsaid words still lodged in our throats. Yet, by some awful twist of faith, we forgive them every time they rear their troublesome heads. We forgive them even though we have not spoken to them in large intervals of time. As if the days have not only cured our broken hearts but changed their image in our minds. Even if days have passed since we last interacted or if those days have turned to months and years, our minds still wander towards that one person. Despite the voice in our head telling us to turn our back to them, we still carry on straight in their direction. Despite us knowing better, in their presence we really do not know better. So when they strike up a conversation or even smile at us, we turn to goo. We become completely oblivious to their treacherous demeanor.

The truth is, there will always be that one person who dragged us to our own undoing. That one person who we are better off without but just can’t let go of because know we do not still love them or need their friendship in our lives but we have so many memories attached to them. Even if we spend most of our time hating them, being disgusted by the person we have become, we still hold their opinion in the highest of esteems. For the life of us, we cannot seem to figure out why their judgment matters so much to us but it does and it might always will. Even when they try to drag us down again, we go willingly. We are aware of what is happening and we bang our heads questioning ourselves but then they smile at us and we are willing to implode if it means being in their presence. We may know better than to follow the road they show us but in front of them, we do not know better. We do not. Sadly, old habits die hard.

We all might have that one person who we have given so much of ourselves to that we wouldn’t even know where to begin to take it all back. That one person we just cannot escape from no matter how much agony they bring us. No matter how many times they break what we have strived so long to fix. That one person we cannot escape from will always have a part of us we so unwillingly give away. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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