7 Realizations I Had About Life After Trying To End My Own

Ben Waardenburg
Ben Waardenburg

You will realize that the hardest day you’ve lived is not the day of your attempted suicide or even all of the days leading up to it, but rather the day that you wake up after your attempt, having to clean up your own filth wondering why you’re still here. All over again, you begin to question everything. Except things are much different this time.

You are alive. A purpose to your life begins to be seen. You are here for a reason. This life is laid out in front of you and it’s yours to fulfill. Memories become cherished, relationships are more meaningful and you begin to bloom into this new individual whom you will fall in love with. Here is what I’ve learned about life after trying to end mine.

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1. People are assholes.

There will always be individuals trying to bring you down. You will find new information out about yourself that you didn’t even know existed and people will continually belittle you. There will always be someone more intelligent, better looking and wealthier – they will also make sure that you are clearly aware of it. Let it be known that these types of people exist but do not join in with them.

2. It’s okay to ask for help.

Talk to a loved one or even a complete stranger. Nobody is able to fully handle the struggles that life continually throws at us without the help of others. Be open to accepting help when and where it’s needed. Swallow your pride and realize that you cannot do everything on your own. Life is not meant to be traveled alone, so find people that will be there during that crazy ride and confide in them when necessary.

Don’t ever think someone is not serious about self-harm just because they are not acting upon it at the time. Whether it is for yourself or another individual, don’t wait until it is too late. Help is always available when needed. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

3. Be willing to accept change.

If you are craving something different in your life, then YOU need to make it happen. Change is extremely difficult, but it can also be life-changing (literally). If you are in an unhealthy relationship, end it. If your friends don’t give the same amount of effort and respect as you do, move on. If school is no longer enjoyable and brings major distress, explore other options and find your passion. Things change and people change. Life is too short to depend on others for your happiness. Once you accept that, all else will fall into place.

4. Learn to be alone.

Surround yourself in the silence of independence. Stop looking around for someone else and just find yourself. Discover specific things that bring you joy and put your time into that. You don’t need to be surrounded by someone else in order to be content with life, whether that’s a friend or a significant other. Don’t find your happiness through the doors of another person because once you find that sense of personal peace – the mind will become so clear.

5. Be open-minded.

Make sure that you grow a backbone and actually use it, but don’t allow yourself to close out others opinions. The words that a person may say or suggest could be exactly what you needed to hear. Always be welcoming of input whether it’s what you want to hear or not. Most importantly: stand up for yourself when necessary and shut the fuck up when you should.

6. Music will save you.

It will help you understand that it is okay to feel, to remember and reminisce. It’s okay to cry, scream, dance, laugh and become way too emotional than you thought you could in a four minute and twelve second timeframe. Explore new types of music and cherish the raw emotion that comes along with each kind. Cry to a sentimental country love song, let reggae remind you of the calmness that surrounds you and allow hip-hop/R&B to remind you that you’re the baddest bitch in town.

7. Love yourself beyond anything else.

Once you truly find yourself and become happy with whom you are as an individual, other people will fall in love with you as well. You will begin to glow and people will comment on how happy you seem. Your smile becomes infectious. People will cherish your time together and want to be around you. Life-long friendships will develop and the best years of your life will begin. Listen to your mind and body, as it will always tell you exactly what is needed. Focus on your health, do things that you’ve always wanted to do and things that you would never imagine. Push your limits and allow yourself to grow. The more you grow as an individual, the more you will fall in love with the person you are becoming. Most importantly, once you realize how truly happy you can be, don’t ever accept anything less than that. TC mark

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