In some ways, the hookup culture was built for people like me. People who want to have fun without any strings attached. I hate strings. You pull one loose thread off your sweater and suddenly you’re buying a new sweater.
Look, I can be hip. I don’t need attachment or commitment. I’m not going to try to “wife” you or try to text you multiple times a day. But here is what I hate — not the hookup, the culture.
Yes, I get it. We are a new generation. We are seeing that getting married and having kids is not the only lifestyle to follow these days. We are exploring the idea that love doesn’t have to be between just two people. Sure, those things were always there in the shadows, but they’re slowly becoming the new normal, and that’s great.
The fact that I’m not expected to be a cookie cutter housewife in this era is a blessing. Because I don’t want that. Fuck your mini van. Fuck your picket fence.
But what I hate is that the “culture” of it all has gone from meaning yes, we can hookup without any strong feelings attached to hey, that’s all we are doing.
Like yes, women today can be honest that since the beginning of time, we have been, and are, sexual beings. I loathe the sitcom trope that the male is always wanting to have sex, but the female is making excuses to “get out of it.”
I get where it comes from, but it’s not reflective of reality for most people or at least not the nuisance of it. That being said, now that the world is finally figuring out that both women and men sometimes want intimacy without commitment it’s gone from liberating to isolating.
Let’s take dating apps for example. I want to be clear about what I want. But what I want doesn’t come in some neat little package. Do I just want to get fucked? Sometimes. Do I want a relationship? No, unless you’re like a billion times more amazing than anything I can imagine right now. Do I just want to cuddle? Yeah, I’m always down for that.
For the most part, I’m as down as the next person for a casual fling. But let me be clear, if we’re going to be friends with benefits, we have to be friends, not just benefits.
We are not just each other’s pleasure machines. At least, I don’t want to be. Sure, we have fun. Sure, it’s low key. But is too much to ask to go out for ice cream now and then? Can we actually Netflix and chill?
I swear I’m down for fun, but can we still treat each other like people?
It’s this insane culture, any type of affection at all is off limits. Are you so afraid of your dopamine spike that you can’t even have a burrito with me? Or, what’s the harm in asking how my conference went last week? What are you so freaking afraid of?
Maybe it’s never been me that we’ve had to worry about falling in love, maybe it’s you. Because if you’re trying that hard not to have a relationship, maybe you need to stop fighting it.
The hookup culture isn’t meant for everyone.