I’m not going to tell you any clichés because I never wanted to hear them myself, even if everyone was only trying to help with their words of comfort. I’m not going to diminish what you’re feeling because of the length of your relationship, the nature of your breakup, or the classification of whether you were in an actual relationship or not. I’m just going to tell you it sucks and I’m here for you. Because that’s really all you need right now, someone who will listen to every random thought and analysis about this breakup when new revelations come to you at 3 am. Someone who will not judge you for steering the conversation to what you’re going through. Someone who will sit while you ramble your incoherent thoughts out mid-cry. You really just need a sister right now and I hope you know I’m always hear for that, because I’ve been there and my sisters were the ones there for me.
Last semester, I was abroad when I was broken up with and being away made it easy to ignore any hurt I could have felt initially. I was in Europe surrounded by wonderful and beautiful people who dulled and numbed any pain that sought to seep through the happiness I felt then. If I was still overseas, I believe I never would have actually properly felt that pain, but when my program ended and I came home, the reality of my situation hit me so unexpectedly and abruptly that I wasn’t prepared for the damage it potentially could have done. I felt so confused and had a million ‘what if’ questions running through my brain. What if I never went abroad? What if we tried again now that I’m back? What if I reached out more during when I was gone? What if what if what if. Those two words have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life and that’s usually the hardest part about moving on – getting rid of the ‘what ifs’ in your mind.
I want you to know that all the negative thoughts you are thinking about yourself aren’t true either, I know because I’ve thought those as well. It’s hard not to question why you weren’t good enough for them to stay around, why you weren’t enough of a person for them to want to fight for. What is so completely flawed in you that it was easier to give up on something you claimed to have once loved? The answer is nothing, even though it’s hard to believe that as you feel like you’ve been sucker punched in the gut and have the urge to cry every time The Killers comes on the radio. I hope one day you realize you are enough, you are so enough, it is unbelievable how enough you are, but it’s okay if it takes time to see this. I’m still not there yet either.
When I came back to school this semester I was feeling this pain all over again and I didn’t know how to start healing, but that’s when you need to lean on your friends. Because there will be a friend who will take you to the gym and help you work out and will make you feel strong about yourself again. And there will be another friend who will answer every single text throughout the day when you just need to vent your heart out. And I promise you, there’s a friend who will agree every time you say how stupid he is and she will take you out and make you forget he even existed. And don’t worry, you’ll have another friend who will always want pizza or chipotle and will happily eat her heart out with you. At least I had all these people surrounding me, and I cannot thank them enough. You can be weak with them, you can be dependent on them, and you can trust them that one day you will feel whole again. And until that day comes, they won’t judge you for getting tear stains on their t-shirts.
Because there will be one day that you stop checking his social media pages before you go to bed. There will soon be a day that your heart no longer lurches when you see he’s texted you. One day you won’t look back on photos together and think ‘what if’ anymore, and one day soon you can listen to every song on the radio and sing along without a second thought as to if those were your songs. One day, a day will pass and you won’t even have thought of him. And let me tell you, that is such a great feeling. I cannot thank my friends enough for how much they’ve helped me recently and they will be there for you too. I know I said I wouldn’t say any clichés, but I have to lay a few on you. You’re beautiful and smart and so, so strong, and if a boy doesn’t appreciate that then he isn’t ‘the one.’ He might have been ‘the one’ at that time in your life, but he’s not your end goal. Just know you are not alone, because I’m not even all there yet. But one day, I know I will be. And until that happens, just please reminder, you are worthy.