Should you hold a grudge against anyone? The answer is simply “No.” Why? Because there is so much emotion involved with holding grudges. You experience different feelings of anger, resentment, revenge, envy, sadness, pain, loss, and a sense of unhappiness all around. You start to question everything and overthink a situation that once happened. When you hold onto something for too long and take it on a personal level, it’s damaging not only to your emotional health, but your mental and physical well-being. The effects are consequential and long, but in the end, they are only affecting and hurting you. You only have the power and control to change your mindset and approach the circumstances and outcome.
Many people hold onto grudges because the pain is too deep to be fixed or forgotten, especially if the party involves people who are close to one another, such as family, spouses, and friends. Spend considerate time thinking (in a conscious and focused state):
“What could’ve been their motive for doing what they did?”
“Could it have been prevented?”
“Is this something continuously ongoing?”
“What factors influenced them or were involved in doing what they did?”
“How were they feeling at the time? Was there anything they were going through in some way?”
“How do I approach forgiveness and move on?”
“Is there an opportunity moving forward where the situation can be resolved in a healthy and proactive way?”
As such, it is important to remember and remind yourself that people are constantly in a state of change. Interests, personality, appearance, friend groups, education, and careers all have an influence on a person’s new background, habits, or state of being. If you hold a grudge against someone who has hurt you a long time ago, be it months or years, don’t expect them to act the same as before. Don’t expect them to remember. Don’t expect them to behave the same way. Nobody remains the same at all.
Compare this mentality to being a teen versus being an adult. Teens do irrational things all the time, and we won’t realize its impact on our behavior until later on down the line. As we grow into young adults and learn more about the world around us, we can reflect on our past and forgive ourselves. We eventually learn not to repeat them again. We are more mature and aware of what defines right from wrong. So much time has passed, why bother with something years ago? There is no need to remember, care, or bother to stress, since we are occupied with new beginnings.
I know what it’s like to hold a grudge against someone. Believe me, it is not healthy in any way, shape, or form. It eats at you every day and does nothing but hinder your progress. There is always your network of friends and family who will always be there to support you. There’s always professional help to talk things out, like speaking with a therapist. There are many activities and remedies for relieving whatever it is you’re holding in. If you ever come to speak with the actual person, understand the results of change and work things out appropriately in each other’s best interests.
The moral of the story is that just because someone hurt you or ruined a part of your life, it doesn’t ultimately define them as a person. We all deserve to be happy regardless, and one way to completely experience this joy of happiness is to live and let live.