Build Yourself For You, Not Him

It’s been almost a year. Men have come and gone, nothing serious, of course. I’ve dated casually. The ones that last beyond a first or second date usually moderately appeal to me. I’ve “talked” to guys but none of them have provided me with more companionship than I could find in a golden retriever to be honest.

I haven’t really felt anything since you. Which is unfortunate because it means you’ve been the comfortable, familiar set of arms to fall into whenever I’ve been dissatisfied with the rest. Your love is satisfactory. Not good, not great, just satisfactory. And sadly, that’s been enough to keep me coming back. But you moved away. And I moved even further. So we are now 5318 miles from each other. And I’ve been taking some “me time.”

Trying to find myself as I imagine most people intend to do when they move continents. So now when I close my eyes at night I try not to think of men. Not you, not the guy I grabbed drinks with last Tuesday, nor the one I left abruptly when I moved to London.

Instead, I picture who I want to be: a more complete version of myself, a better writer, a wealth of knowledge, a self aware, fearless female that charges at her goals with full force. One who doesn’t doubt herself or fear scrutiny. So really, this article is about me isn’t it? Men are irrelevant. HA, imagine that. That’s a new concept.

Sorry where was I? You thought this was going to be like the other articles you see on your Facebook feed didn’t you? The ones where women whelp about men who don’t treat them right or those open letters to “the boy that broke their heart,” etc (the mushy stuff).

But as hard as I’ve tried to fit that genre, I can’t. And don’t get me wrong though, we’ve all been there. I’m not discrediting the women who’ve had the guts to post their emotions on the Internet. It takes balls, trust me. We have a tendency to fear what others will think of us.

Or worse yet, those we actually know. God forbid your ex’s friend finds it and posts it in their group chat. And still, these women courageously overcome those fears. And I applaud them. But this particular article is about me. Just as you should be reading it for you.

If your day-to-day thought patterns have consisted of mundane men, honey, I feel you. Just wait. One of these days you’ll meet a man on your wavelength. He’ll be smart. He’ll be passionate. He’ll probably have a jaw structure that makes you weak at the knees.

But for now, build yourself a fortress of a career. And sooner or later that far from satisfactory, “distinction” of a man will walk in.