Okay so I have noticed that just about everyone has been saying that 2017 has been the worst year ever and that they can’t wait for 2018. I confess to being one of those people. I only say that because this year I’ve lost almost everything that was important to me. It’s alright though, I’m not suffering in a pit of depression (anymore). Although I’ve lost a lot, I’ve learned so many valuable lessons by losing those things, so I feel like it almost makes up for it.
When this year started, I was in a serious relationship, my boyfriend and I shared a place to live, we had two dogs, and I had a bunch of other things that I didn’t realize I was taking for granted. Unfortunately, I entered 2017 in debt, and I will most likely be entering 2018 in debt, but hey, that makes all of us, right?
So anyway, in March, my boyfriend and I split up. I won’t lie, it broke me in ways I didn’t think were possible. This was the guy I genuinely thought I was going to marry one day. Sure, we had our problems, but you’re supposed to move mountains for love, right? One day we were making dinner and playing video games, and the next day he’s packing up his stuff and moving out. It was a complete change and shock to my system. I remember one day coming home to the house that had been emptied out and I fell to the floor sobbing. I cried at least once a day for months. I can truthfully say that it was the hardest break up I’ve ever gone through. I reacted to things differently than I ever had. I didn’t want to go out with friends as much as I had during other break ups. I didn’t want to see other guys. I only left the house to go to work and to see my mom and sister. It was really confusing to me at first, but over time, I realized that it wasn’t him that I missed. I mean sure, I missed having someone’s company, but the thing that was really missing from me was my sense of security in another person. Also, the trust I had once had was now gone. I found it hard to trust my family and my close friends, and there was no reason for that.
As time has gone on I have really learned something important: don’t trust so easily, and definitely don’t rush into things with someone new.
He and I met on a dating app and had been inseparable since day one for a year and a half. I lost good connections with friends and even family that thankfully I have since regained. I have always trusted people easily so the fact that I needed to work on that was not news to me. Trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship and if you don’t have trust, you probably don’t have much else. Now I know for the future to just let things take their time and the universe will work itself out naturally, and that trust is earned, not given. I’m not saying you can’t trust anyone, but don’t go around trusting everyone, because that’s how you get hurt.
My biggest piece of advice that I give to myself and my friends is to just follow your gut. Your gut always seems to know.
Whenever he left, he took one of our dogs with him. Just recently, I had to find a new loving home for my dog, so I no longer have him. Letting him go was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, but I know he is loved and will be taken care of, so that takes a lot of weight off of my heart. I had to find him a new home because I moved and I now live with my dad again. So, losing the independence of living alone has also taken its toll on me, on top of being forty minutes away from all of my friends. It’s a whole new atmosphere over here that I am still adjusting to.
This year I thought that I had really lost a huge part of who I am, but now taking a look back, I realize I have let go of the parts of me that needed to be let go.
I’ve grown a lot this year. This year I have made a lot of mistakes, trusted the wrong people, and I’ve cried enough tears to form a mid-size lake (that might not sound like a lot but let’s be real, it is). This year has definitely been one of the hardest years of my life. Truthfully though, I don’t think I’ve ever learned this much. This year has really made me think about who I am now, and who I have the potential to become in the future. So yes, I am really excited for the new year, because I have big plans for growth and investing in myself.
Plus, the new year starts on a Monday, and that is so damn satisfying.