I was watching an interview with Yvette Nicole, which she did on the Wendy Williams show, and something she said struck a cord with me. She talked about the pressure placed on women who have reached a certain age and are still single. She talked about how these women are treated as if something is wrong with them and highlighted some of the external circumstances that could lead them to be single.
I distinctly remember some of the comments I attracted while being single. For example, one young man whose interest in me wasn’t mutual accused me of “pick, pick, pick until you pick expletive.”
Recently when the name of my book was being featured in a newspaper article this is a comment from someone (using a pseudonym of course) who read the headline and not the content of the article. I try to avoid reading negative criticism but for the purpose of sharing the plight of single women I shall.
This was only part of one of the comments I received,
“You should get up off your sorry butt and go seek the man you desired. With all the work God is doing for all of us you are asking the creator to stop just because you are so incompetent that you can’t find your own husband.”
I must say many of the people who read the article came to my defense but for any single woman who is the subject of any such negativity I am sure it can be painful.
So I am not saying that single women don’t have some responsibility in their search for a life partner, but should she be persecuted for staying too long with that guy whom she hoped would marry her but was stringing her along the entire time? Or should she settle for someone who would not enhance her life? Or is she wrong for refusing to date someone that all her instincts tell her to walk away?
When I interviewed happily married women for my book, it was not that many of them necessarily were expert daters, but rather it seemed to be an element of luck or destiny that they met their husband at a young age or generally had an easy time meeting him when they were ready.
So it’s hard enough for a woman to be single when she wants to be married. She may question herself and wonder if she let any opportunity pass by, or if she is being unreasonable in her selection process.
But the last thing a woman in that situation needs is more blame.