Being single is easy, 90% of the time. Doing your own thing, not having to check in with anyone. Not having to worry about dragging along someone at a family event while you’re socializing, and they’re not. Your 50-something aunty who still thinks she’s 21 is judging you for bringing him and then proceeds to hit on him, and you don’t really know what to do at this point except confusingly gaze while chugging more cheap champagne.
The other 10% is convincing yourself of the following scenarios: 1.) That you’re going to be single forever, aside from the endless puppies you’re going to rescue by the time you’re 35. 2.) You’re going to get married, twice, the first marriage failing because of your inability to handle man tears. 3.) Having a normal life, with the love of your life, with kids, and a house and whatever else that accompanies a normal fucking life. Mortgages? I don’t know, man.
There comes a time when being your single, care-free, wild self catches up with you. This usually happens 1-2 weeks before your period, when your uterus is ready to become impregnated with the seed of a testosterone-rich macho male. It’s okay, because your mind isn’t doing this from free will. It’s your body. Right? Right? Even though you know you imagine yourself in a relationship from time to time. Don’t lie. You know you create a whole lot of scenarios of yourself with a…….. boyfriend. *Cringes*.
Now that we’ve admitted that you occasionally think of yourself as not-single, let’s make it established that it’s OKAY. You’re human, first off, and you’re a girl, second off. You don’t have to justify your feelings with hormones or PMS.
For the most part, going out is the funnest you’ll ever remember, in the midst of getting drunk and making out with whoever. May I mention 0 consequences from that? Let’s not forget all of the guilty-free phone numbers you’ve collected from the pretty-boy-jack-asses you won’t ever text to: “hangout”. Mmmhm. Getting drinks are satisfying, easy and FREE while you’re single, since you’re either by yourself or with your hot girlfriends at the bar. You don’t have any worries about dragging a dude and getting the same old “what do you want?” drink.
Having a complete stranger look at you with conviction saying “Hey there, can I buy you a drink?” surges adrenaline and pride throughout your body, and your night just got a little better because you know you still got it. Not saying that being in a healthy relationship DOESN’T do that adrenaline thing, but you catch my drift, right? Being single is just a little more exciting, and a little more dangerous.
But all dangerous situations put aside, like wing-womanning for your best friend while she works on the cute personal trainer, and you get his uglier, softer, and creepier business major best friend who won’t stop talking about Samsung vs. Apple, stability can be VERY comforting. Having a realistic, logical, and opinionated person to level with on a daily basis can be refreshing from your crazy escapades. In all honesty, just knowing that you have someone reliable to lean on is comforting. Secure, almost.
Someone to tell you that it’s ok when you don’t know what you’re doing in life. Someone to wipe your tears when you have no clue why you’re crying. Someone to tell you to snap the hell out of it and then brings you pizza. Someone who watches the notebook with you, AND makes fun of it with you. Ahhhh. Someone who makes you feel beautiful when you just gained 10 pounds. Someone to talk to about business major dude at the end of the night. Yikes. Not only can you talk to them at the end of the night, you get endless sex!!!!!!
2. Complimenting Yourself.
My mom always used to tell me, “Be with someone who compliments you, not with someone who completes you”. I’ve been living that quote for as long as I can remember. Being your own person always comes first. Not only just being your own person, but being completely confident, proud and at peace with yourself. In addition to your quirky characteristics and sarcastic tendencies to view life as a joke, a partner in crime to enable the best of you is a huge reason that compels you to think you want a relationship. Admit it. Picturing you two can be in sync, while accentuating your individualities.
Someone who can boost up that confidence in yourself, and make you feel like you can do or be anything in the world (with or without them), is someone who’s worth your time. Being proud of yourself is pretty important, but let’s not forget that being proud of the person you’re with is just the same. They are your partners in crime, right? So what’s a true partner if you can’t look at them with the same caliber as you look at yourself? This team, of sorts, is another reason to make you think you want a relationship in your life. Cray-cray things happen in pairs. I mean, Beyonce and Jay-Z. You feel as if you would be stronger as a team, and that nothing can stop you two.
3. Having Your Family’s Blessing.
With that said, showing off your significant other is a good fucking feeling. Bringing them around family can be crucial, depending on your preference. I know I don’t want my boyfriend to feel out of place when all of my cousins and uncles are playing Xbox in one room without me there, and he’s looking for me like a puppy dog without even paying attention to what’s going on in front of him. That ain’t cute. That’s why being self-sufficient is such an important concept to grasp as an individual, before becoming a couple.
Knowing that someone I’m with can handle the most pressuring of situations, like my closest uncle-dad throwing the “What are your plans for life” interrogation, is what makes me look forward to having someone in my life. If my family likes him, I like him. Simple as that. And someone who is worthy enough to have my family’s blessings is worthy to have me. Picturing my “someone special” casually hanging out and having a good time with my family with or without me is something that puts a warm spot in my heart.
Not only do you picture your imaginary boyfriend being part of your family, but actually going with (not DRAGGING) him to family events puts a sense of ease to you. Now you have someone to dance with when the sappy songs play at your cousins over crowded wedding reception, and someone to get you drinks from the open bar when you’re too busy having a heart to heart conversation about him with your aunts, and how they absolutely 100% approve and wish you two a long happy life, because you two make such a good pair. Think about it, you’ll have someone to drive you home and change you into your pajamas when you’ve gotten too drunk with your aunts!!!! Then kiss you goodnight and buy you hung-over Starbucks in the morning. I like the sound of that. Ok, so i have an overactive imagination about my perfect guy. Sorry. Not sorry.
4. Feeling Like This Is What Everything Was Leading Up To.
After all of the drunken nights in your aunt’s/sister’s/best friends’ arms spewing on about how you’re going to be single forever, the “I’m single and don’t need no man” phase that got you to realize that you’re human and don’t have a heart made of metal, the “Just doing me” phase where you actually lived life without thinking about your relationship status, and all of the other phases you can think of, it was all leading up to this. Once you’re done living through phases and actually just start living, you’ll be somewhere in life that’s gonna show you that everything was worth it.
All of the lessons that you have taught yourself, all of the self-discipline you’ve established, and all of the vulnerable moments you’ve embraced have shaped you into the admirable, beautiful, independent woman you are today. Be proud of all the hard work it took you to get here at this very moment. Whatever it is that you’ve been imagining while you’ve been PMS’ing (or not) is going to make itself clear to you soon enough, and show you that ALL of the annoying, painstaking phases have been worth it. You’ve taught yourself that you deserve the best. And for hell’s sake, this imaginary boyfriend is IMAGINARY.
So anything can happen. But just know that there is someone who has worked just as hard as you have to establish their individuality, and that they hold self-reliance high in their moral compass. This is the type of person that can show you that two people can really be meant for each other. Whether you have an ideal relationship in the future or not, you’ve still learned a lesson from this. It’s up to you to decide what it is, and how you use it.