Hooking up can go really well — for example leading to more casual hooking up without any strings attached. And let me tell you, I found out why so many people did it after I had my first fuck buddy. First off, you get free sex. Like whenever. AAAAAANNDDD you don’t get the annoying, “Hey, what are we?” texts. Good god. You experience some of the best sex with this fuck buddy, because you don’t picture him meeting your family while he’s doing you from behind. All you think about is him doing you from behind. Sorry for being graphic.
Casually hooking up can also benefit when you don’t want to think. You don’t have to get into life stories and your un-dug up roots of your issues with this random person. All you feel like doing is going at it like animals and physically RELEEEASE. After the numerous fuck buddies I’ve had, you can imagine how this gets really unhealthy really quickly. After I hookup with someone I really don’t care about, I imagine myself in one of those “Friends With Benefits” movies while the camera is slowly canvassing across my sad, anguished face as I’m turned away from the stranger whose bed I’m in. I get it, casually hooking up is fun. Like really fun. But after experiencing it for so long with no one grasping my emotional or mental attention, my body stopped craving and my mind started to.
The hookup satisfaction was kind of like a leveled up Pokémon. It was strong in the beginning, battling left and right, using power ups and combos to reach the goal of leveling up to its final form. But after a while, the Pokémon leveled up as much as it could, and there was really no more purpose to fight anymore. It was tired and just wanted to chill in the Pokeball with its other poke-friends. Literal and hypothetical experience points here. What I’m getting at here is that, at first, it’s all fun and games. I realized that I was craving much more than a physical connection, I was craving a soulful one. I invested so much time trying to find one in someone else, that I was losing the one with myself. So I stopped with the hook-ups, and the search for something I shouldn’t be searching for. And I started being alone. But I learned more than I could ever ask for.
I’ve learned to be unselfish, gentle, kind, thoughtful, caring, opinioned, firm, and strong willed, but the list can go on forever. But the two most important things I instilled in myself from having this hook-up phase was being self-reliant and self-respectful. The more I hooked up and started noticing what numb and mindless sex was like, the more these values were becoming clear to me. I learned. A lot.
- I learned to never to even accidentally depend on someone.
- To stand up for myself when I am feeling attacked.
- To speak up when I feel like I need to say something.
- To pick up my shit, walk myself to the car, drive myself home, and pull it together.
- To be ok with being vulnerable.
- To never stand for bullshit.
- To never settle for anything less than my moral standards.
- To recognize red flags.
- To trust myself when I get a knot in my stomach.
- To never beg.
- To rely on myself.
- To not let anyone control or manipulate my actions, thoughts, or feelings.
- To hold myself responsible for my own reactions.
- To hold myself to high expectations.
- To wholeheartedly and bluntly state myself.
- To not be afraid to hurt feelings.
- To be strong enough to walk away.
- To be grateful for my independence.
- To not revolve my life around finding, or staying in a relationship.
- To remember where I came from.
- To look forward to where I’m going.
- To know that my future holds amazing things.
- To teach myself something new every day.
- That being alone is NOT a bad thing.
What have you taught yourself?