It’s interesting to me to see a constant pattern that seems to be an intertwining vine between many people’s lives; the idea of being alone.
What a small yet scary word.
Sometimes people never really know what it means to be alone. I, for one, have not really had the experience until I boarded that flight in Boston. It’s so much easier to know yourself with somebody else. Somebody that makes you feel happy, safe, secure, loved.
But it’s different when you’re alone.
When you’re alone you don’t necessarily have somebody to lean on, to pick you up when you’re feeling down, to make you laugh, to entertain you.
When you’re alone it’s just you, with you.
Sometimes other people just become a comfort, a habit. You become so accustomed to a routine with this person that they just become part of you, and you them. But what happens when you know that this person is solely a security? What happens when you lose yourself in the comfort of having someone else?
Once that person is no longer there it’s hard to remember your identity and routine. You wake up the next morning and realize that your day has changed and your morning doesn’t revolve around someone else. You wake up the next morning and look in the mirror and instead of seeing two you see only one looking back.
At first it’s easy. You’re feeling confident with your “new self” and feel like you’ve just emerged from your shell. The day is yours, and you can dedicate it to yourself and nobody else.
But then time goes on.
Eventually you start to think about the other person, the other half of yourself. You begin to wonder if they’re missing their other half, too.
And you wonder, and you wonder, and you wonder and you fall deeper into what is the unknown.
While there may be some excitement because well, “It’s the unknown, who knows what could happen”…it’s absolutely fucking terrifying.
What starts as a single thought manifests itself into a potential reality and suddenly you’re obsessed and consumed with “what if’s” and assumptions; you’ve surpassed “overthinking.”
I’ve come to find that the “self” can be your own worst enemy; creating plots and the worst case scenarios, forcing you to think everything you never wanted to. It can be absolute torture! Yet you put yourself through it, because for all you know it could be the truth. It’s a poison that’s hard to stop drinking.
But then faith comes in.
A small tiny light at the end of a dark tunnel makes itself known and there is nothing left to do but fixate on it.
Sometimes you need to trust yourself and know that there is always a light at the end of even the darkest tunnels. Sometimes surrendering to the unknown and accepting what you do not know will bring you peace instead of distress. Sometimes losing the other half makes you whole.
Sometimes being alone is one of the most important things to know.