Blankets are the best thing ever. I practically live in them. I’m wrapped in a blanket as I write this (see number 5) and when I’m done with this blanket, I’m going to get another set of blankets. They’re everything.
But not all blankets are created equal. Some are as borderline “whatever” as a blanket can get. Here’s my list of the Top 10 Most Important Blankets of All Time starting with the best:
1. Down comforter
The Holy Grail. This is a must have for absolutely any bed. Fake it if you’re allergic and get one of those hypoallergenic ones. They’re everything. A pillowy marshmallow perfect for snoozing and SVU marathons.
2. The one your grandmother made
You keep this tucked away in the back of the linen closet because you’d kill yourself if anything happened to it. It’s a bajillion colors of crocheted madness—so hideous it’s beautiful.
3. A nice wool blanket for when company comes over
The fancy schmanzy one that your boyfriend’s weird crafty aunt gave you for Christmas last year. It’s impossible to cuddle with but, when paired with some Target throw pillows, it makes your wine-stained sofa look somewhat Pinterest-worthy.
4. The sleepover blanket
Your retired comforter or alternate big blanket. It’s a million years old and super soft and has a hideous rose or Shabby Chic-esque print on it. Everyone who sleeps with it tells you it’s the best blanket ever and you’re like, “Duh, I’m fucking obsessed with that blanket,” and you sleep with it for a couple nights in your own bed.
5. Heavy, furry throw
If you don’t have one of these, you must invest. I got mine at Bloomingdales with a gift card a million moons ago and it was absurdly expensive, like, I don’t know who the fuck I am owning a super expensive furry blanket, but it’s worth every penny. You can find one for like, ten dollars at a flea market, I’m sure.
6. The dog’s blanket
The little fleece blanket that you keep in your dog’s crate and you once—maybe just once or twice—used it to keep your feet warm on a car ride.
7. Beach blanket
The beach kind of sucks if you don’t have a bomb ass beach blanket. Thinking about all of the times I went to the beach without a beach blanket makes me feel like a fool.
8. Electric blanket
Growing up in Massachusetts in old ass houses, I became addicted to electric blankets at a young age. I’ve never cared at all that they could easily catch on fire and kill you. I’d honestly rather be warm. I don’t have much use for an electric blanket in LA, what with the apocalypse weather and everything, but I do have one stashed away should an ice storm come that completely brings the entire city to its knees.
9. Sleeping bag
They’re good to have! You never know when you’ll meet a new group of friends at the mall and want to impress them by taking them on a glamping trip. Time to hit up Gilt, hon!
10. Blanket Jackson
Why not, right? Let’s give the kid something. He’s been through so much.