News broke today that pop singer Demi Lovato no longer considers fellow pop singer Miley Cyrus her BFF. This should come as no big suprizzle for those of you out there who have watched the two stars drift apart. Smilers went full-blown dick-guzzlin’ cray-cray over the years, and Demi has cleaned up her bulimic act, living a coke-free, backup dancer face punch-free life.
While both girls seem to be doing just spiffy on their own, there is something sad about seeing two besties drift apart from each other. It kind of reminds you of your own failed friendships, you know?
We all have them—the up-all-night BFFLs that we drifted away from, the ride-or-die relationships that went down the drain after one too many blow-out fights about who called dibs on which guy. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you may be due for one such friendship breakup. Here are six signs you and your number one bestie are headed for the same fate:
1) Distance has become a bitch
Long distance friendships are totally a real thing, but long distance best friendships are totally a really hard thing. Unless you two are hopping on the phone several times a month and keeping each other updated on the ins and outs of your day-to-day life, you are most likely shifting each other into “good friend/phone friend” mode. This type of friendship can still be very effective, but let’s face it—you’ve upgraded some of your local friends to slightly higher on your call list than the soon-to-be former BFF.
2) You ignore big issues
I’ve always believed that your best friend is not your best friend if you can’t survive a healthy argument. When you’re angry with someone you love and value above all others, you can’t help but come totally clean when they piss you off. But when you start treating issues between the two of you with the passive aggression you save for acquaintances and people in line at the bank, you have begun the process of “getting over” him or her.
3) His/Her Jokes are Not So Funny
Best friends can rib each other about the other’s shortcomings. Being able to laugh at each other is basically the sole perk of putting 99% of your friendship juice into another person, but there are lines that are never to be crossed. If your bestie has started to take jabs at you that feel WAY too personal and like something you’d NEVER say to another person, let alone someone that you love, you two are probably on your way to Dunzoville.
4) Your lifestyles are different
Just like Demi and Miley, sometimes two people decide that their core values do not align in any real way. Maybe you’re still in your party phase and spend your Friday nights looking for something to shove up your nose and another something to shove up your snootch. Maybe your ex-best friend is on more of a Demi journey—spending her weekends watching movies and catching up on sleep. Maybe it’s not that extreme, you’re just tired of rewatching 90s flicks in her dad’s den. Whatever it is, once you guys have a totally different idea of fun, merging most of your free time together becomes impossible when you think the other one’s idea of a good time is a total waste of yours.
5) You’ve started to keep score
Once you’ve started to go the passive-aggressive route, you can’t help but silently keep score every time your friend does something that pisses you the fuck off. The running tally of each and every time they’ve hurt your feelings or spoken out of turn or did something fucked up is starting to stack up and it’s only a matter of time until you BLOW.
6) You can’t stop talking shit
We all have talked shit on our best friend. Talking shit itself is not reason to call for a friendship divorce. It’s when you can’t even fake not talking shit that you’re in trouble. Just like Demi basically shaded the fuck out of Miley when she announced that they are no longer friends, (“Um…we’re, we’re like, we’re acquaintances. It’s life, and people change, and, you know, I don’t have anything in common with her anymore, and I wish her all the best.” Read: “I don’t know that whore.”) sometimes you get to a point where you can’t even lie about finding the other person interesting or decent anymore.
The flip side to all this negativity is that once a friendship is over, you can only work your way back to becoming friends again. And it will happen. Eventually someone will break and email the other a Christmas wish or an apology for their shitty behavior over the summer and both of your hearts will warm with the memories of happier times.