7 Reasons Why Highly Sensitive Extroverts Have Such A Hard Time Finding Love

1. They often spend too much time on the wrong people because they always see the best in everyone, even if it comes at the cost of their own well-being.

Highly sensitive extroverts are incredibly empathetic. They are understanding and sensitive to anything anyone else might be going through. They can make excuses for just about anyone, even when it comes at the cost of their own well-being. They put their own needs and wants aside in relationships, convincing themselves they’re fine with behavior and values that are actually totally NOT okay with. This causes a highly sensitive extrovert to spend their time on a lot of the wrong people, preventing them from finding a right love.

2. It takes a lot of time for the highly sensitive extrovert to bounce back after heartbreak.

Highly sensitive extroverts feel everything very, very deeply. Heartbreak tends to find a home in their bones and stays much longer than it does for the average human being because the pain tends to be felt in a much more intense way. They remember every hurt in every cavity of their heart as if it just happened, even if it’s been months or even years. This causes a highly sensitive extrovert to avoid seeking out new love and relationships because they remember how badly it hurt when it ended the last time.

3. Sometimes, highly sensitive extroverts move a little too fast and can come on a little too strong.

When a highly sensitive extrovert falls, they fall quickly and completely. Since they feel everything so very deeply, when a new love is blooming, it can just feel so damn good for them they just can’t get enough of whoever they’re falling for. This can cause the highly sensitive extrovert to come on a little too strong or have a new relationship move a little too fast, causing it to fizzle out before its flame can even ignite.

4. They’re afraid of getting hurt, so often will not put themselves out there at all.

Since they know how heartbreak can affect them, as well as their propensity for coming on a little too intensely, often highly sensitive extroverts will avoid dating and relationships altogether. The possibility of heartbreak is a deterrent enough for them to keep their hearts isolated and their walls high.

5. They literally do not understand the rules of modern dating.

What are a Tinder?

Do you swipe left or right if you like someone?

Why can’t I text back right away if I read the text?

What do you mean I can’t act interested even though I’m interested?!?!  

These are just a few thoughts that may run through the highly sensitive extrovert’s brain when attempting to navigate the world of modern dating. It all just seems so silly to them. They very much operate from the mindset that if you like someone, you act like it. All the rules of the game of modern love they’d rather do without.

6. They tend to put your own needs second out of their intense need to be well-liked, especially in romantic relationships.

They’ll do anything for their partner, even if that means burning themselves out. They start neglecting their own wants and needs and goals because they can sometimes lose their identities in their partners. This dynamic, of course, does not lead to a sustainable relationship. It can make one partner feel smothered, one resentful, and ultimately it’s unhealthy for both parties. Until the highly sensitive person can be content on their own, they will continue to run into this kind of relationship.

7. They gravitate towards people who they want to “save.”

Being highly empathetic, the highly sensitive extrovert can sense when someone is struggling very quickly. They also get a high sense of purpose in feeling needed. Put those two qualities together and you can see how this can become part of the highly sensitive extrovert’s persona. They have a truly difficult time understanding that you cannot save people, you can only love them, and until they figure this out, true love will be difficult for them to find. TC mark

Molly Burford

Writer. Editor. Hufflepuff. Dog person.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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