Ranking These 46 Generic White Guys By Just How Dateable They Actually Are

Allan Ferreira

1. Charlie: The best man you’ll ever date. Sensitive, thoughtful, intelligent, and hilarious. 10/10 would recommend.

2. Mark: A parents’ dream come true. Mark holds the door open for you, shakes your dad’s hand, and asks your mom how she’s doing. He’s also incredibly nice to you when people aren’t around. Good cook. Does sweet gestures throughout the week. Definitely someone you should date seriously.

3. Pete: Hilarious, wonderful, and the one you’ll definitely want to marry someday. Supportive and kind. Date him and never let him go.

4. Joe: He’s just a fun dude who wants to make you feel loved and special. Knows just what kind of wine you’ll need after a long day. Isn’t afraid to go into Sephora. Attentive and thoughtful. Absolutely boyfriend material.

5. Brian: He’s just a kind person. Plans actual dates that don’t involve watching Black Mirror in his apartment for the 17th Friday in a row. Into romantic gestures. Gives you space when you want it. Trustworthy. Swipe right on Brian!

6. Derek: Actually knows how to hold a conversation.

7. Tim: Totally okay with being a stay at home dad and so you can pursue all your hopes and dreams.

8. Jim: Outdoorsy guy who definitely drives a Subaru. Likes untraditional sports like archery and fowling. Super interesting, can actually carry a conversation, and likes all of your jokes.

9. Eric: Pretty nice guy. Does his best to do the right thing and genuinely listens to what you have to say. Lets you pick the restaurant most times. Likes dogs.

10. Nick: As generic as his name. Dinner and movie dates are the usual go-to for him. Flowers on Valentine’s Day. Nothing special, but not bad either.

11. Ryan: Just #oneoftheboys. Calls you dude a lot, which is kind of endearing but is also annoying when it happens during sex. He’s charming, though, so he’s easy to forgive.

12. Paul: Pretty safe bet. Low drama. Also very, very, very boring, which is totally fine if you’re into committing to the same two sex positions for the duration of your relationship. 6/10 would recommend.

13. Jake: He’s aight.

14. Tom: Works in sales. Well spoken but it’s that’s because he’s all talk, no action. Can never get a straight answer from this dude.

15. Alex: It’s a scientific fact that all guys named Alex are hot. He’s very charming and has a great sense of humor. Fun guy to date, but can also be pretty flirty with your best friend, so keep an eye on that.

16. Kevin: Kevin is just a regular dude with a regular life and regular thoughts. Not very complex, but is nice to you. You could do worse than Kevin, but you could also do better.

17. Jeff: Super fun bro who puts the seat down when he’s done in the bathroom and is a great kisser. Definitely the dude you fall in love with at 23 and break up with when you graduate college. But you’ll never forget him.

18. Cal: A frat boy who never lets you forget he was in a frat. Still wears Sperries.

19. Sam: Thinks he’s prettier than you. Very vain. Does have great hair products you can borrow, but besides that, not much to this dude.

20. Steve: Has an Instagram #fitspo account that he posts on three times a day. Saying he’s going to the gym to “get swoll” unironically. Great bod, kinda funny, but that’s about it.

21. Brandon: Lax bro who has terrible commitment issues.

22. Rob: Probably an entrepreneur who wants you to help him with his business. Never really makes time for you, but promises it’ll be “worth it” once his ideas take off. Probably not worth dating, to be honest.

23. Sean: Prefers cats over dogs, which is pretty sketch.

24. Doug: Funny guy but can’t hold a serious conversation to save his life.

25. Matthew: Meh.

26. Ben: Slid into your Twitter DMs to tell you he disagreed with your tweet as an attempt at flirting. This is a primer for how the sex is gonna be. (Read: bad).

27. Craig: Boring.

28. Ron: Was a nerd in high school so he tries way too hard to be cool in adulthood. He’ll try really hard to make you happy which is nice but it’s almost, like, TOO MUCH.

29. Christopher: Emotionally unavailable.

30. Johnathan: Douche.

31. Carl: Has a pic of him holding a baby on his Tinder that he makes sure to specify is “not his kid.” Still wants to appear paternal though, and hopes this will help him get laid. It doesn’t. Swipe left.

32. Austin: Craft beer snob who will love to tell you all about IPAs. Most of your dates will be at a brewery. Tells you that you’re “not like most girls,” which makes you want to vomit more than all the hops. Probably won’t want to date him long, tbh.

33. Mike: Player.

34. Thomas: Hard pass.

35. Colin: Bad news.

36. John: Eh.

37. Tyler: Runs from emotional expression. Impossible to read.

38. Dave: Just a sk8r boi who doesn’t realize that being 32 and working 10 hours a week doesn’t make him a ~free spirit~

39. Brent: Just kind of a dick tbh.

40. Chett: Pissed his parents named him Chett, so he’s always in a bad mood. Impossible to make happy. Very needy. Cries after sex. Does make a very good omelet though.

41. Andrew: Knows more about everything than you do, and yes, he’s already heard of that band, obviously. Will argue with you over things he knows nothing about because he just likes the sound of his own voice. You won’t last dating him for more than two weeks and he won’t last in bed more than three minutes.

42. Trevor: Hates dogs. Do not trust. Do not date.

43. Chuck: Self-declared nice guy who doesn’t like it when you wear “all that eyeliner.” Gets pissed when a male waiter asks what you’d like to eat. Definitely the jealous type. Not at all fun to date so steer clear.

44. Chad: Hardcore Republican who yells “FAKE NEWS!!!!” during sex.

45. Joel: Wants to sleep with your best friend.

46. Travis: Run. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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