So I know this is might come out of the blue since you literally have no idea that I even exist, but I totally think you should leave your girlfriend and love me instead. I know she’s beautiful and successful and emotionally stable and you said she is the “most beautiful girl in the world” and stuff. BUT IT’S FINE. Because I’m super #chill and am at least a 5 when I do winged liner and shower.
I don’t want to come on too strong, but I really had to get this off of my chest. Because in life you need to take a shot. So here I am, just a casual gal writing an article online to a stranger she’s never met and asking him to be her boyfriend because she loves him.
It’s totally fine.
But anyway. We have so much in common that I should probably tell you about before you take the leap and love me too. But only if you want to. Because, whatever. I’M CHILL.
So here it goes:
You love Hillary Clinton, I love Hillary Clinton. (Digging the new tattoo, by the way!) We both appreciate the musical musings of Lil Pump. I love SNL, you’re on SNL. You’re paid to be funny, my mom says I’m funny. You drag Trump on the regular, which I’m totally into. Your Weekend Updates make me feel some type of way. Also, your lack of Instagram history makes you mysterious AF and mama likes.
Are you not seeing how perfect this is yet? I mean, we could totally work. We just need to get through the obstacles of you being famous and me but a commoner, your perfect girlfriend who you really should stay with, and my general crackhead personality.
Soooo, yeah. Love me, please? No pressure! I’ll just be here. Being super cool and casual.