I know. You probably read this headline and thought, “No shit?” But hear me out.

There are so many people (myself included!) that go for and out with people who clearly just don’t like them that much. They like when we’re in their bed, sure. They like texting when they’re drunk and lonely, they like hanging out when they’re bored, they like to listen when it’s convenient, but when it comes down to it, they don’t like us much at all.

Allow me to explain.

Think about the last person you dated that you were also super into. The person who meant the world to you, the person who was reliable and fun and who you had an undeniable connection with. Think about the person who you didn’t have to make excuses for, the person who didn’t have you doubting what they said and how they felt.

Now think about how you treated this individual. Did you ever leave them hanging on a Friday night with no contact until 2 a.m. when you would finally text them and ask if they were still up? Did you ever cancel plans at the last minute because something better came up? Or did you have plans and never show up at all? Did you act distant and aloof until you were alone and thirsty and ready for some action? Did you ever completely blow them off because you were just “so busy” with work, only to find time for other people and watching the entire second season of Stranger Things in one sitting?

I’m going to guess that you didn’t. And why? Because you actually liked them. 

The thing is, you don’t treat someone as something you can take or leave when you actually you care. You prioritize them, you validate their feelings, and you show the hell up. If you actually like someone, you don’t leave them waiting, you don’t play with their mind, and you don’t ignore them.

TLDR; you don’t treat someone you’re into like shit. End of story.

If someone is disrespecting you, if someone is acting like they don’t care, it’s probably because they don’t. And if you feel your role in their life is so precarious that you can’t discuss the way they’re treating you and let them know it’s bothering you, that’s probably a sign it’s time to move on.

And I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know. I know what it’s like to make excuses left and right for someone because I just wanted it to work with them so fucking bad. I know what it’s like to be disrespected, only to show up for them the second they “found time” at a cool 1:38 a.m. I know what it’s like to not speak my mind and tell my truth because I was afraid that what I had in the back of my mind would come true: That they just aren’t that into me. Or even more irrational, I feared that if I even whispered I wanted something more, it would ruin any chance I had because I wasn’t “chill” enough and pushed him away. Le sigh.

(Pro tip: you didn’t push him away. He was never interested in the first place.)

But in a way it’s liberating to let go of people who don’t like us, no? I mean, think about it. If you didn’t have to spend time with someone else who doesn’t like you again, who is only wasting your time and breaking your heart, I feel like that’s a win.

So until you find someone who shows up, who is there when you need them, who loves you, who wants to hear about your day, who remembers the little things about you, who makes it clear that they actually like you, be alone.

Trust me, you’re better off.