You’re Allowed To Be Happy Without Them

woman playing on shore
Christopher Sardegna

You’re allowed to be happy without them.

You’re allowed to laugh until your stomach hurts and you can no longer breathe because someone with shaggy hair and amber eyes said something so funny you can’t believe it.

You’re allowed to remove pieces of them from your heart in order to make room for new memories in new places with new beings. You’re allowed to break free from what you knew with them. You’re allowed to be okay, even though they’re gone.

You’re allowed to look forward to the weekend, even though they are not part of your plans. You’re allowed to do things without considering what they would think. You’re allowed to have fun without them.

You’re allowed to let them go.

You’re allowed to stop listening for the echo of their goodbye, and you’re allowed to stop hoping for their call. You’re allowed to stop asking “What if?” 

You’re allowed to stop torturing yourself over the words you never said, about the steps you never ended up taking. You’re allowed to enjoy your life. You’re allowed to move on.

You’re allowed to be curious about, and even excited for, the future. You’re allowed to stop looking to the past. You’re allowed to stop visiting painful memories, and you’re allowed to stop visiting the good ones, too.

You’re allowed to be someone without them. You’re allowed to be someone new.

You’re allowed to fall in love without them, with new eyes and new cities. You’re allowed to feel the stubborn smile come to your face when you finally see that you’re doing just fine on your own.

You’re allowed to breathe. You’re allowed to smile. You’re allowed to be happy.

You’re allowed to embark on adventures you could never have seen yourself on if they were still by your side. You’re allowed to explore new literature and ideas and music and art. You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to transcend.

You’re allowed to drop off the baggage and let go of the guilt. You are allowed to accept that you did all you could, that they gave all they could give, and that it’s over. You’re allowed to appreciate them for what they were, when they were. Nothing more, nothing less.

You’re allowed to miss them from time to time, too. You’re allowed to peer backwards and sometimes wish things were different. Letting go can sometimes be far more painful than the callouses we acquired from holding on so long, this is true, but you need to do so anyway.

You’re more than allowed. And in fact, you must.

You’re allowed to move forward and break free from from people who no longer love you, from people who are no longer in your life. Who in the end, were no good for you.

After all, they have. Why haven’t you? TC mark

Molly Burford

Writer. Editor. Hufflepuff. Dog person.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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