“Oh, you make me laugh,” said the boy who would later break my heart.
We were out at a local dive bar with a group of our friends, and I don’t recall what crack I was making at that given time, but I do remember my heart feeling light, when it usually felt so heavy, and looking down to hide the smile that was swimming across my face.
I was a funny girl finally feeling seen.
We all know a funny girl. She’s the one whose wit can cut through concrete, whose laugh can be heard from the other room. She’s the girl who isn’t afraid to make a fool of herself and doesn’t take herself too seriously. She’s fun. She’s quick.
She’ll keep you laughing until your sides hurt, with her arsenal of puns and comebacks always at the ready. You think how happy and fun she is. How confident she must be. And maybe she is.
But more often than not, the funny girl is funny because she’s afraid of getting hurt. Her humor is her shield. She realized by making others laugh, they wouldn’t see the pain in her laughlines. She discovered if she pointed out her flaws first, no one could use them against her.
A few months after our night at the dive bar, the boy who would break my heart and I were making out in his bed. I stopped to make a joke because I couldn’t handle that it was real, that I was there with him. I knew how these things played out. The boys I made laugh always walked away, so I might as well try and kill the moment.
But instead, he stopped, put his hand on his head and said the words I loved to hear:
“You’re so funny.”
And we started kissing again. But, I again was right. By the time the morning came, I realized what meant so much to me meant nothing to him. Because once again I was just a funny girl, confusing beingheard with truly being seen.
If you find yourself falling for a funny girl, realize she is going to be tougher to get close to than most because of the pain she’s experienced. And that’s okay, because when you break down her walls, when you get past the jokes and the laugher, you’ll see all of her and probably fall deeper than you had before.
Be gentle and patient because this vulnerability will be difficult for her. The moments when she’s without her shield, she’s going to feel squirmy and want to run. Hold her hand. Let her know she’s okay.
And when you finally get through to her, the funny girl will love you deeply and fiercely. She will make your days brighter, and always give you a fresh perspective on the world. Her passion will be contagious. She is worth it. She will always be worth it.