The girl who you said didn’t care about you cried for two hours solid today as she unpacked the bag she packed last week when you should have been coming to pick her up. It’s been a week since you last spoke to her. You were only together for ten weeks. She still cries. It still hurts her.
The girl who you said didn’t care about you had her bag packed for days before you were due to come. She bought those love eggs you talked about because she knows how playful you are. She planned to wear them for the journey to yours along with the new underwear she bought, underwear she knew you’d like. Didn’t you say you wanted to see her in those cute white knee high socks? Didn’t you say she’d look cute in a little cute lingerie set? She bought them too, she bought them for you. She also bought new slippers to wear at yours, and some new pajamas. She’d probably still wear yours because that’s what she liked. They were too big for her but they made her feel safe. They smelled of you too. That’s why she liked them the most.
The girl who you said didn’t care about you bought those shortcake biscuits she knew you loved. She deliberately bought two packets – a packet she could eat as she daydreamed of you at home, and the second for the two of you to share, wrapped up on the couch together and watching something crappy on TV. She packed those biscuits alongside that gadget you told her you wanted, the gadget she waited for weeks to arrive. She was excited to give them to you – those biscuits and that gadget. She couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when she gave them to you. She also bought you those socks you said you wanted. Do you remember the ones you sent her the link for? She remembered them. She ordered them too. She couldn’t wait to see you. It felt like she hadn’t seen you in so long, and she had so many goodies to give you.
The girl who you said didn’t care about you didn’t come and see you that one night during the week because she was working her ass off. She had been offered a project that paid a ridiculous amount of money, money she had intended to spend on you when you picked her up. She wanted to take you to the butterfly place you kept talking about, and that wildlife place too. She wanted to show you how much she cared for you. She wanted to put her hands in her pocket because it seemed to always be the other way around. She wanted the two of you to have an amazing time, make memories, and laugh until you thought you could pee your pants. She wanted to take you out for dinner. She wanted the two of you to get dressed up. She wanted the opportunity to dress up for you, to wear her pretty dresses and nice heels, do her hair real nice and put on a little extra mascara. You didn’t get the chance to see her all dressed up. She couldn’t wait for that opportunity. That opportunity never came. She put in all that hard work, all those hours, earned all that money and for what? You ditched her. You said she didn’t care about you, she didn’t love you enough.
The girl who you said didn’t care about you booked a wax. You know how much they hurt yet she did it for you anyway. She wanted to be baby smooth. She wanted to feel your hands all over her body, she wanted you to marvel at how soft and smooth she felt. She wanted to feel sexy for you. She put herself through that pain for you. She couldn’t wait to get between the sheets with you, and she hoped the two of you would stay between them for as long as possible, nakedly intertwined. It was her favorite place to be. It probably always would be.
The girl who you said didn’t care about you cried for three hours straight when she blocked you. The last thing you said to her was that you didn’t want to be with her anymore, and that you were going to go back on Tinder. Was she going to be a bunny boiler about it? You said you loved her. She loved you too. How could you get over her so quick? How could she mean so little to you that you could move on so fast? How could you even say those things to her? How could you ask her that question? She gave her all to you, she bared her soul and told you truths she’d never told anyone else, and you threw it all back in her face. That one line felt like a knife stabbing into her heart, like she had been winded and couldn’t breathe. Reality had hit – you didn’t love her. You didn’t care about her. It wasn’t the other way around. It had nothing to do with her – with the amount of love she showed or gave you.
The girl who you said didn’t care about you, didn’t love you enough, didn’t show how much she loved you, she really did care about you. She really did love you enough. She really did show you how much she loved you. She showed you every day. She showed you when she told you how hot she thought you looked in those new jeans you bought. She showed you when she smiled at you from across the room, tapping away at her laptop while you scrolled away on your phone. She showed you when she always stayed one or two extra nights just because you asked her to. She showed you when she did the dishes even though she’d cooked dinner too, or when she did your laundry when you were working on your van because she liked how ‘housewifey’ it made her feel and she could imagine what it would be like if the two of you really lived together. She showed you when she daydreamed about a future you could have, toying with the idea of you being a long-term person in her life, and resounded herself to you staying around when she whispered those three little words in your ear – “I love you”
The girl who you said didn’t care about you really fucking did care for you. You fucked up. You shouldn’t have let her go. She was a girl who loved you so quickly, so violently, so loyally and so passionately, there was very little she wouldn’t have done for you. You’d only been dating for ten weeks yet she was prepared to cater to your every whim. Or at least as many of your whims as possible. Of all the things you asked of her, how many did she decline? How many times did you NOT get what you wanted? You wanted gadgets, she got you your gadgets. You wanted new shoes, she bought you new shoes. You needed electricity, she bought it. You wanted gas in the van, she paid for it. You wanted dinner and she cooked, you wanted sex and she undressed, you wanted hugs and she cuddled you to sleep.
The girl who you said didn’t care you? She really did. And she showed you. Perhaps you should have opened your eyes?