The Most Bizarre Road Trip I Ever Took With My Dad

My dad doesn’t like things. Any of them. Things piss him off. So a long drive with me to visit other family is just a long list things that he does not like. Here is an excerpt from this trip:

Dad: Put your grandmother’s address in the PGS. We should be close.

Me: The GPS, dad? Yeah, I already did. It says tha-

Dad: What does it say?

Me: God. It says that we’re 6 hours away.

Dad: What?! Are you kidding me? Did you put in the right address?

Me: No dad I put in the wrong address on purpose so we could spend as much time as possible togeth- oh crap wait no I actually did put in the wrong address…

Dad: I knew it. Give me the GSP.

Me: You’re driving!

Dad: Give me it right now. (grabs GPS, somehow puts in correct address without taking hand off wheel or eyes off the road, and chucks it back at me)

Me: That was unbelievably unsafe.

Dad: What does it say?

Me: Turn left at the next exit.

Dad: That’s stupid. (takes immediate right)

Me: Okay. This is completely unrelated to our drive so far, but how much were plane tickets?

Dad: What?

Me: How close are we?

Dad: Hey you know those fruit stands they have off the side of the highway? Did you see any of those? I want some peaches. Highway fruit stands have the best peaches.

Me: Really? No I didn’t.

Dad: Put that in the GPSP. Ask it to find the closest one.

Me: What?

Dad: Ask the CP3 where the closest fruit stand off the highway is.

Me: You’re getting farther away from the correct name every time. GPS. And this thing isn’t an actual person, dad. It’s not like it’s a cab. It’s a computer. You have to give it a specif-

Dad: (grabs GPS from my hand and begins inputting something) Hey do you know if I remembered to record this week’s “House”? It’s a new one. House has to save some kid’s life. I hope he does.

Me: Are you talking to me or…?

Dad: (makes intense U-turn)

Me: What are you doing now?!

Dad: Found a fruit stand. Going to it.

Me: What?! God! You can’t look up a fruit stand in the GPS! Ok, you know what? I’m going to sleep. Just wake me WHENEVER we get to grandma’s.

I fall asleep. Only to wake up about 15 minutes later to the sound of our car pulling over on the side of the road. I look up to see my dad walking towards none other than…

….a fucking fruit stand. TC Mark


About the author


Mo Alhertani is from North Carolina and blogs about his dad yelling at him.

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