“I know I should’ve insisted on using a condom, but he was just so hot/amazing/charming/sexy/rich/famous/out of my league that I didn’t want to risk ruining the moment.”
Let’s just take a moment to explore what that actually means, shall we? So basically, what’s being said here is that you didn’t want to risk ruining the moment by insisting the guy wear a condom, but you were totally down with risking your entire life, health and future?
Condom negotiation really comes down to self-esteem, self-respect and self-love. If we actually respect ourselves and our bodies—if we truly commit to practicing self-love and protective measures to keep ourselves safe and healthy at all times—we wouldn’t even think about compromising our sexual health and safety for anyone.
And please don’t go by the “he/she looks clean” line based on their level of attractiveness or sex appeal because the reality is, the sexier and the better looking they are, the more sexual opportunity they have. What that REALLY means is more times they got lucky and managed to sweet-talk some poor sucker (pardon the pun) into doing the deed bareback after using their token, adorable pouts and playing the oh-please-but-i-really-like-you card.
Next time you’re in a similar situation, here are some witty counter-responses to address these 7 slimy old excuses a guy may use to coerce you into having unsafe sex:
1. “But I love you.”
Yes, and the things we love can often kill us like chocolate, laughter, dancing, combat computer games and taking selfies whilst on vacation. Whether you love me or not, there’s no way I’m having sex with you without a condom because I love myself enough to care about my body and my health. Conversation OVER.
2. “But I work out/I’m a health freak.”
Boy, I know you can lift, but do you even read? Maybe if you spent as much time educating yourself about sexual health as you did bench pressing, we wouldn’t need to have this conversation. Read my lips, Hercules: No condom, no sex.
3. “But I’m a medical professional (or other health professional of some sort).”
Yeah, so was Dr. Jekyll, and Lord knows he had a hell of a lot to Hyde. What you do for a living doesn’t correlate with how sexually responsible or safe you are. Just think cocaine and sex worker-addicted ex-neurosurgeon Dr. Suresh Nair, found guilty of the manslaughter of two Sydney escorts. Having to argue with you about why I insist on using condoms is the OPPOSITE of sexy. I’m done explaining myself to you.
4. “None of the other women I’ve been with insisted on condoms. Maybe you have something you’re not telling me.”
Well yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a few things I’m not telling you about (like, oh I don’t know, dignity, intelligence and self-respect for a start!). Comparing me to other women you’ve been intimate with and questioning my sexual health status simply because I am sexually responsible and practice safe sex isn’t really my idea of foreplay. I’m glad I’ve seen your true character. Thank you, I’m leaving now.
5. “But I’m married/I have kids.”
So did Robert Reed from the Brady Bunch but that didn’t save him now, did it? (R.I.P. Mike Brady.) Sorry, but your DILF status doesn’t make you any less susceptible to STI’s. My stance on safe sex is non-negotiable, and if you’re not willing to respect my personal choices, I don’t think our relationship needs to continue.
6. “We don’t need to use condoms because you can’t get pregnant.”
Well, technically speaking, neither could the Virgin Mary, but baby Jesus was living proof that stranger things have happened. And besides, an unwanted pregnancy is the least of my concerns when it comes to unsafe sex. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather have a bump on my belly than someplace else. With God as my witness, I don’t risk my sexual health and safety for anyone. No condoms, no sex. Amen.
7. “But no one our age uses condoms. That safe sex stuff is just for young people and doesn’t apply to us oldies.”
Honey, your sexual health knowledge is just about as outdated as your genitals. There has been a dramatic global rise in STI’s among seniors in the last few years, so as long as we’re having sex, condoms are as necessary and applicable to us as they are anyone else. Age does not equal STI immunity. Get with the program Old Boy—no condom, no crumpet. Got it?
Oh, and just in case the anachronous “I’m allergic to latex/condoms” spiel gets thrown your way, please note that non-latex condoms made from polyisoprene are available in all major stores, supermarkets and convenience stores.
And to keep you one step ahead of the old “I don’t have a condom with me” defense, step up and be a woman of the Millennia; keep a couple of HEROs in your handbag or purse just in case. For women living in the year 2015, carrying condoms doesn’t make you a whore, it makes you smart, prepared and responsible.
Practicing sexual health protection measures doesn’t suggest promiscuity, but it does scream self-love and respect.
By not standing up and asserting your right to practice safe sex to the men out there who insist upon challenging responsible sexual health practices, you are actually contributing to the problem. You’re making it extra difficult for the women who ARE confident and unashamed to stand their sexual ground.
Don’t be that girl.