You Are My Greatest December Gift

My life was forever changed on December 4th, 2005. I received a gift from God that turned me from a girl into a woman. God gave me you—you were my December gift. 

God knew the December was a month that reminded me of nothing but bad memories. God wanted me to keep going, and he sent me you to light up my world, not just in December, but every year of my life.

Every year around this time, I write you a letter, and I will continue to do so until the day I can’t write anymore. I will write to you every year until the day that I take my last breath, and even after death, I will send you written notes on the cotton clouds of the sky above.

I used to rock you in my arms when you were a baby and imagine the beautiful girl that you’d become. Now I see that you are so much more than I ever imagined.

You have completely transformed my life in these 14 years. Having you as my daughter has been my greatest source of motivation and my reason to keep going.

As you know, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. I don’t regret having you, but I just wished I would have waited a bit longer so I could have provided you with a better life. I know we haven’t had the best life, but I have always made sure we had enough. I have suffered a lot to raise you, and being a mom has been the hardest and most challenging role that I have played. But it has also been the role that has taught me the most valuable lessons about life and being a woman.

Ever since the day of your birth, you have inspired me to become a better woman. And I only hope that I can help you to make better choices and suffer less. I don’t want you to go down the same road that I did. Throughout these years, I have created foolproof plans to help you maneuver yourself around the potholes I fell into.

There had been times that I believe I failed as your mother. I’ve worried about that possibility every day since the day I brought you into this world. I didn’t have a manual or script to follow. I didn’t have any help or support. I sure as hell didn’t know that being a mom was going to be so damn hard. I cried so many nights from all the anger, frustration, and fear I felt, not always knowing what I was going to do or how I was going to do it.

But here we are. Another year has passed, and when I look back on all the things that I endured, I can proudly say I have done a hell of a job raising you. I know I am not the best mom—I get angry and moody, and I cuss a lot. But you will never have to question my love for you.

I love you with every fiber of my being, even though you drive me insane at times. No one in my life has ever challenged me the ways you have. I want you to know how proud I am of the bright young girl that you are becoming.

I want you to know that I don’t want you to be just like me—I want you to be better and be your own unique self.

I want you to know that you are capable of doing many amazing things. And don’t ever let anyone or anything stop you from doing what fills your heart with joy. You are smart and have so many dreams, and I cannot wait to see you accomplish them all.

I want you to know that you will always be my baby girl. Spread your wings, take on the world head-on, and be the independent, strong woman that you were born to be. But never feel alone in this world. You will always have me, and you will always have a home to come back to.

With love,

Mom