My daughter came home from school yesterday evening with a sad look on her face, I asked what was wrong and she replied, “Nothing mom I am okay,” but I know that sad look on her face I have seen that look many times before. She says, There’s a dance at school tomorrow and I won’t be able to attend. I asked, “Why not? I will take you and we can go shopping for an outfit,” and she said, “Mom it’s not the same, it’s the annual father/daughter dance, how I wish I had a dad that cared, I wish my dad cared.”
My heart sank, I could feel my heart breaking and I tried so hard to hold back the tears, I could feel her pain in the tone of her voice. I held her tight and said, don’t worry we will go on a fun trip this weekend anywhere you want, she smiled and said, “Okay mom.”
I am a single parent and have been for 12 years. In this time I have watched my daughter stand by the door and wait, I have watched her cry, I have listened to her ask where her father is and I have tried to explain to her the best way that I possibly can that she has a family that loves her and cares for her. I have watched her grow and I have watched her fall. I have comforted her when she’s in pain.
At the beginning, I tried so hard to put a plan in place. I tried to call you, I sent messages, I called your family. I even offered to drop my daughter off and pick her back up again just so she could spend time with you. I tried, I tried really fucking hard to work things out, but I can’t force you to be a father. It took me years to stop doing this. To realize that no matter how hard I tried it wasn’t going to change anything.
You float in and out of her life when it pleases you and when it’s convenient for you. Whenever you have free time, whenever you have nothing better else to do.
But I have had ENOUGH.
Now you call me a bitch, I am mean, I am the bad parent.
But you fail to mention all those times you stood her up, all the times when you were supposed to come and never came, because going to the bar and getting laid was more important to you.
I hurt for her, knowing that it gets more difficult the older she gets. All her friends will attend the father/daughter dance tomorrow and she will not get to experience that. I handled this by explaining her that all families are different, and she accepted that answer.
I have asked for nothing from you.
I have never asked for money, I have never asked for food, I have never asked for clothing.
All I asked was for you to be a father.
The longest period of time you made her wait was six months. Six months of no calls, six months of no contact.
Then you came around again.
And so it began again. The weeks even months you leave between visits destroys her. She doesn’t understand why you aren’t there for her. She doesn’t understand why you say you’ll be there only to have you vanish.
You have missed out on so much; do you even know her favorite color? Her favorite food? Or any of her friends? Her hobbies or interests? No. Because you aren’t here.
I am DONE trying.
I have ended contact. You are not a good person. There is something wrong with you.
You are a mistake. She is not.
She is a lovely, intelligent, sensitive, friendly child. She is a straight-A student. She is active in sports and extracurricular activities at school. She is kind. She is strong, she is funny. She is a talented artist. She wants to be an Olympic gymnast when she grows up. She is incredibly hard on herself and a perfectionist about all aspects of life. Sometimes she looks like you, but lucky her, she looks more like me.
The years go by fast. I know she hurts because you are not around. Because she doesn’t know that you are a shitbag. Only I know that. What she does know, is that her friends have dads.
I try to be the best mom I can possibly be. I have worked tirelessly these past 12 years to make sure I give her every single advantage I possibly can, because I am aware of the single parent household statistics, and I am determined she will be more than that. She will be a strong successful woman. She will make me proud.
But things are still hard. I have never earned a ton of money. I make enough to keep our life afloat and have some nice things, but we have each other, that is more than enough.
I highly despise you for causing her pain. I will always despise you for that. I despise you for not being like the other dads I see who take care of their children and spend time with them.
I have nothing else to say. You are unlikely to ever read this, but I know someday that you will overcome with regret that you won’t be able to stand it. It will be too late. Those years you missed in her life, will never come back. But I will always be able to look back and know that I’ve done right by her. She will always remember who was there for her all along.
You will regret being the first man to break your daughter’s heart.