A few years ago, I completely let myself go, for the first time I got my heart broken, it was so hard that I felt a part of me died.
The heartbreak besides dealing with severe depression, stress from working two jobs and being a single parent, everything was just too much for me to handle, I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I turned to food for comfort, I would eat so much to the point I would make myself sick. I completely stop caring about my physical image, then I started to have health issues, I would run of breath doing simple things, such as walking up the stairs. Food only gave me temporary comfort, but at the end of the day, I was still sad and depressed and before I knew it I had gained 50 pounds.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror and hating my own reflection.
I finally reached the point where I realized that I was not a woman who simply had a few extra pounds. In reality, I was a woman of deteriorating health, and something had to change.
When I started my fitness journey, I didn’t realize the emotional roller coaster that comes with weight loss. There are various emotional stages of weight loss which are not discussed very much. First is the initial shock. WTF am I doing??? I’m so hungry! I want a cheeseburger! How am I going to stick with this? I can’t do this! This is too hard, I hate vegetables! You will get a lot of negative thoughts like these that will discourage you and will have you second-guessing yourself.
Then comes the excitement after losing a few pounds and people begin to notice. You are like Hell Yeah!!! I am down several pounds, I GOT THIS! but eventually, you hit a plateau. You are still working out, watching what you eat but you stopped losing weight. As the weight loss slows down you start to get feelings of frustration and anger.
Eventually, things turn around and the goal is achieved, but it is with mixed emotions of joy and sorrow.
The most challenging part of this journey was being strong enough to walk away from the people and things that were holding me back. I had to learn very quickly that if someone isn’t in your corner then you just must let them go. The people who truly care about you want you to succeed! I also had to sacrifice having a social life in the beginning, when I knew I wasn’t mentally ready to be around food and drinks without losing control. Not everyone was understanding of this, but I had to do what was best for me, and that wasn’t easy.
Losing 50 pounds made me realize it wasn’t just my body I was unhappy with.
My body had become overweight because I was insecure, so I ate to feel better. My body had become a reflection of those feelings and how I was treating my body showed in my weight. I was unhappy with myself. I didn’t like who I was. I had no sense of who I was. I realized I had been living an emotionless life. Going through the motions of what I thought I should be and believing the size of my body was what was holding me back from bigger and better things when in fact it was my mind holding me back.
We tend to think that if we lose the weight we will be happy. But we aren’t forgetting all the other things that go with weight gain; the habits, the emotional baggage, fear or change, self-esteem. Weight loss is not just external. It’s internal. And as you work the internal stuff, you come to realize the external stuff doesn’t matter as much. What truly matters is how you feel about yourself and how healthy you are.
Weight loss can be a happy result – but it shouldn’t be the main focus. You should always work on the inner stuff.
As proud of myself as I am of my physical transformation, I am prouder of my mental and spiritual transformation. Losing weight can actually have a lot to do with gaining: mental strength, understanding, and self-acceptance.
Yes, I am 50 pounds lighter than I was before, but I am still me. I still struggle with negative thoughts, I still sometimes dislike what I see in the mirror, but life is a journey and even though I am not where I want to be in life, I am faster, I am stronger and most importantly I am healthier. I have changed my outlook on life and I am focused on being the best possible version of myself.
My weight loss meant that I finally gave myself the love and time I deserved all along.