5 Perks Of Having A Boyfriend With An Afro

Why is it so important that I write about it you may ask? Because my afro boyfriend who carries a forest of its-so-fluffy-I’m-gonna-die fluff on his head has managed to steal this damsel in always distress’s heart with his boyish charm and that impossible to brush mane. It’s just something about an afro that pulls you in its direction with those gravity defying curls and if you’re lucky, the man in possession of one, may just let you touch it. Oh the marvel it is! Your hand coming down on those Russian technology springs of hair and bouncing back to another planet, gah!

Sisters, you don’t need an asshole to fix, you need an afro to brush.  It’s a healthier alternative to getting one’s heartbroken and be stuck in an infinite vortex of melodrama, when you can willingly be stuck in the vortex of the hair on his head.  The first time I met afro boyfriend, me and my cousin were volunteering for an event where he was present with his cousin, with equally crazy hair, if not an afro. And there it was, an instant connection! I had never seen anything so big! (No pun intended … or maybe it was). I like to believe that I stole his heart the minute I dropped the flirt bomb, it went something like this.

Loud Future Girlfriend: Hey, nice hair.

Afro Future Boyfriend: Oh yeah? Thanks! (Totally fake modesty)

And there it was ladies and germs, score! Afro boyfriend may disagree with me on a lot of accounts but in this regard, I follow the tits to eyes rule, It could be anything. But there are many more perks of why you should put a man with an afro in your possible future boyfriend list, oh please! We all have that list. Five of them are mentioned below in no hairline order.

1. They Are The Nicest People Ever!

The heavy weight of the hair on their head, which they have to carry from the day they can carry themselves on their two feet, is no easy task. They get how difficult life is, and will be just around being their afro light-hearted self. They won’t even have to do anything, you know, just be their nice selves. This would explain why this species gets friend zoned so much, hmmm.

2. Spooning-GTFO

Really? Do you really want to JUST cuddle with this gift of God?! Me thinks not. Cuddling, which is almost a high priority for any chick who is not a feminist (because feminists spoon the shit out of the man instead, either that, or its just beneath them) just won’t be good enough. You want more, you always want more. His afro gives you the strength to face the music and face him in turn and go to sleep while pulling his hair out.

3. They get you sister, they really do

You will no longer be rushing down the stairs because you were having the worst hair emergency ever while your lesser moronic boyfriend is honking outside your house, which lets just face it, you want to shoot at that point. You hop in his car and the following conversation will ensue:

Awesome Girlfriend: Sorry I’m late babe, was having such a bad hair emergency!

Lesser Moronic Boyfriend: (Confused, doesn’t-get-what-you’re-saying-stare)

No, an afro boyfriend, he gets it because he wakes up to an apocalypse of hair wrapped around his face, which is close to suffocating him. With an afro boyfriend, the hair emergency conversation concludes something like this:

Awesome Girlfriend: Sorry I’m late babe, was having such a bad hair emergency!

Equally Awesome Afro Boyfriend: Aww, I get it babe, tell me about it!

And bam! It’s done! It’s peanut butter and jelly time boys!

4. You Learn A Thing Or Two Yourself

I’m a woman 23 years of age and never in my life, until horribly recently, did I hear words like “Oil replacement”, “Leave on conditioner” and “Anti frizz”. I mean what is this? It’s like a whole parallel universe exists here which I had no information about.

5. You Hear Quotable Stuff On A Daily Basis

Yup, true story.

I’ve heard stuff like, “Man you know what, sometimes I can hear my hair growing.”

Or

“Just got a haircut! Wooho! Feels like I’ve lost three pounds.”

So there you have it girls and boys, five reasons why you should date a man with an afro, seriously, just do it. And if you already do, then treat your man, give him the revered “Good hair day” day, brush it for him. You make him happy and only good things come out of it, like flowers. You get flowers, you have a dirty mind.