I’m having a hard time remembering the last time I bent the rules. The last time I was late for work, wore my uniform incorrectly, got a tattoo without my parents’ approval or came home with a biker guy who was 10 years my senior and claimed I was “in love”…you know, the kinds of things everyone experiences in their youth. Everyone, that is, except me.
If I wrote a list of all the times I said to myself, “I wish I could do that,” you’d understand exactly why I am the way I am; twenty-two years old with no fucking clue who I am.
You see, I’ve never lived out of home, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never given myself an undercut after getting high on paint thinner, I’ve never pierced my nose with an 18krt diamond earring because I was drunk and knew it wouldn’t hurt, and I’ve certainly never let me best friend try out the tattoo gun he bought on eBay by writing the word ‘cunt’ on my inner thigh.
Every single one of these things are true, and have happened to people I know. Where was I, you ask? I was at home that Saturday night, studying in my room to avoid having to make conversation with my parents who wanted to know why I was 10 minutes late coming home from work.
Am I blaming my parents for me being the way that I am? No…well, kind of. It’s 65% them suffocating me, and 35% me never have the guts to jump into the centre of a dance circle. And you see, I’m not exactly old, but the issue now is that I can’t possibly catch up to what everyone else is currently achieving.
They’re adding the final touches to their sleeves, and I can’t even walk into a tattoo shop without fear I’ll pick up Hepatitis. So to answer the question I posed earlier…maybe I’m more than 35% coward. Maybe I am the reason why I haven’t experienced anything in my life.
All those clichéd quotes about have no regrets on your deathbed are coming to my mind…I guess the question we all have to ask ourselves is, “If I got hit by a bus right now, what would I regret not having done?” For me, about twenty things spring to mind instantly; for you it might just be one thing.
At this point in my youth, I find myself in a position of clarity and I ask myself (and you, if you give a shit), “Is there any reason stopping me from doing this thing I want to do right now?” If the answer is no, then go on, shave your head. If the answer is yes, think about the consequences. Or better yet, don’t think about them. Shave your head. You’re young, it’ll grow back.