I Don’t Regret Getting An Abortion, And I Suspect I Never Will

image - Flickr / Steve Rhodes
image – Flickr / Steve Rhodes

On a Friday, I came home from work, picked up my child from school, and stopped at a drugstore. I bought two juices one for each of my children, a bottle of water, and a box that contained two pregnancy tests. We came home and I talked to my boyfriend. Like always, our daughter told him about her day. I took this chance and walked into my bathroom. I looked at the box wondering the worst.

I sat down on my toilet and peed on the stick. I capped it and sat it on my bathroom vanity counter, walked back to my boyfriend to talk some more about work while he was playing a video game. It was a typical Friday for us. I walked back to the bathroom, looked at the test and saw it was positive. I thought to myself, “Okay, well sometimes they’re wrong,” so I went ahead and unwrapped the second test and used it. It was positive again. I walked to my boyfriend’s room and he quickly noticed something was up. I told him I was pregnant. We started making phone calls. I called Planned Parenthood they quoted $425 for an abortion. I called a few other clinics and they all quoted the price. I started looking farther out into the suburbs and found a clinic in a nice neighborhood. I e-mailed them and a doctor immediately e-mailed back asking how much I could afford. I quoted $250-300. He said he would take $300 and open his clinic on Sunday to make it a private matter since it was my first abortion.

When Sunday came, my boyfriend had some difficulty getting out of bed, probably from the nerves, but we all piled into the car and drove to the clinic. When I got out, my boyfriend slowly pulled away, lingering at the corner and waiting to see me walk into the clinic — but the doctor wasn’t there yet. I looked at my phone to see my boyfriend calling. He asked if I wanted him to wait. I told him it was fine and that I would call if I needed to be picked up. I wondered if maybe he didn’t really want me to go through with the abortion, but my mind was made up. The doctor arrived with a nurse at 10AM.

All I could think about while filling out a form was, “What if I just called him and got picked up,” “What if I didn’t go through with it all, would he trust me still,” “Would he still love me?” I finished the paperwork slipped in back to the nurse and sat down. It was a moment before she called me back and to prick my finger to check my iron. She talked to me about the procedure. I was a little nervous and my blood pressure showed that. The nurse was nice — she had a seizure the previous night and was hospitalized (she had bit her tongue pretty badly), but she was toughing it out because like she said, some people she just knew needed her help.

I sat on the table and waited she walked in checked my blood pressure again and the doctor walked in. He asked, “How are you doing today young lady?” I shrank back feeling 19 and pregnant again. I could be better,” I said. He laughed and got to business. He turned the ultrasound machine one made a swipe of my abdomen. I looked up at the machine to see my fertilized egg. My mind went racing with names, with flashes on what he or she could look like how my pregnancy could go, but he switched the monitor off quickly and it was gone. The nurse took my arm and the doctor told me to make a fist and let go repeatedly. An IV line was put into my hand and I was gone.

I came to rather quickly — I woke to the nurse telling the doctor she was going to help me get dressed. She put a pad into my underwear and helped me pull them and my pants up. She walked me back to the waiting room, gave me an antibiotic and a cup of water. I texted my boyfriend to let him know I was done. He immediately messaged back. “I am right around the corner.” My heart felt better knowing he hadn’t gone too far away. He drove right up to the front of the building the nurse opened the door for me and I slipped into the car. My boyfriend looked at me and said, “You look so beautiful, you’re still my dream girl.”

I don’t regret the abortion I don’t feel bad about ending a life. I know I could have put the baby up for adoption, or even found a way to keep him or her, but it wasn’t what we wanted — or could afford. I’ve learned that though, nothing is 100%. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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