I hope for you that you remember you were loved. I hope you see in time that what you had was precious, a gift, to be given the love of a good woman.
I hope you remember the graceful and open hearted way you were loved, despite your many and varied needs that made you shelter your heart.
I hope you realize that the way you handled yourself in the final days was cowardly. I hope you never crush love in someone’s heart in your unthinking way again.
I hope you see one day that your actions caused more tears than joy, more pain than smiles.
I hope you come to understand that what you were given was rare, and that perhaps you were unworthy of such a thing.
I cannot show you these things. I cannot tell you these things. I cannot give you the wisdom and perspective to recognize your part in this. You will need to turn back and face the past with honesty and an open heart to know the truth about what you were like to be with.
For now, I am glad to say goodbye.
I know in your way you tried to do the best you could, but you didn’t have it in you to be brave and courageous. You didn’t have it in you to do the right thing by the good woman who loved you with her huge, open heart.
You never had to love her back, you never had to pledge, but maybe you had an obligation to do the things you said you would. As time passed you got worse and worse at this, until you killed that love feeling inside her soul for you.
That is, in itself, a small and terrible tragedy.
A shame to have had her witness the killing of her trust in you as a man. You didn’t have to make promises, you didn’t have to stay, but you might have done the right thing by her love for you. And you chose, in the end, not to.
What will be remembered is the way you made her feel, and you made her feel unimportant.
She deserved better.
She deserves better. And one day she will have better. Until then she will carry her own love and cherish it, for it is surely worth cherishing in all the ways you couldn’t bring yourself to do.
I hope, lastly, that you find the door to your heart one day and open it wide, even if only for yourself.