Times When I Feel Polish

  • When I expect the trash can at a friend’s house to be under the sink.
  • When I’m generally surprised and confused to find that it isn’t.
  • “Are you Russian?”
  • “Ukrainian?”
  • “Are you sure?”
  • “Wait, where’s Poland?”
  • “Do you guys have the internet over there?”
  • The inevitable twinge of rage when people don’t take their shoes off upon entering the house.
  • When I order a drink without ice and the bartender looks at me weird.
  • When I ask them to make it a little stronger and get charged double.
  • When being a vegetarian means I can only eat salad and bread at family functions.
  • When my family thinks that’s all I eat in real life.
  • Confusion and dismay when an American wedding ends at midnight.
  • Getting the urge to ask if there’s an after party.
  • Wanting to get married partly for the 24-hour mini-rave that is a Polish wedding.
  • “Say something in Polish.”
  • “I don’t care, just say something!”
  • “Oh wait my mom’s on the phone, can you say it again? Here.”
  • “Yak she mash…? Did I say that right?”
  • “How are you drunk already?! You’re Polish!”
  • Feeling proud that John Paul II was Polish for some reason.
  • Still being made to go to church on Christmas and Easter.
  • Still being elbowed in the ribs for chewing gum in church.
  • Still not understanding the point of an Easter basket.
  • Also not understanding why people with garages leave their cars out on the driveway.
  • When people ask if I’m a natural blonde.
  • When I say yes and they don’t believe me.
  • When I think it’s totally normal to make a pizza with ketchup instead of pizza sauce.
  • When someone asks me what’s in blood sausage.
  • When they get irritated because all I know is “blood.”
  • When my friends come over and I automatically ask what they want to eat.
  • Having to stop myself from correcting people when they say “pierogies” instead of “pierogi.”
  • “When did you come to America?”
  • “Oh, so you’re American.”
  • When I use the “I’m Polish” excuse for everything from hating peanut butter and jelly
  • sandwiches to never having seen Star Wars.
  • When people use the “I’m Polish” excuse for me – as in, “You wouldn’t know, you’re Polish.”
  • When I get offended by that even though sometimes they’re right.
  • Genuine disappointment when I meet someone Polish who doesn’t speak it.
  • Even worse disappointment when they can but don’t want to.
  • When people assume that I know stuff about soccer.
  • When I have no idea about soccer but party on game days anyway.
  • When my #1 choice of neighborhood is actually Greenpoint.
  • No, I’m not kidding.
  • When people ask if I’m moving back to Poland even though I haven’t lived there for 18 years.
  • “So do you guys still hate Germany?” TC mark


image – Djukami


More From Thought Catalog

  • Alex

    Confusion and dismay when an American wedding ends at midnight.
    Getting the urge to ask if there’s an after party.

    Hahahaha yes. Always.

  • Michael Koh

    I read the title and thought, Mila wrote this. Yes, I was correct.

  • rekas

    im half polish and half trinidadian yet i can still relate to almost every point on this list. even more so with the added confusion of not being 100% white haha.

  • Erin

    Wait a minute. Non Polish people don’t have their trash under the sink or take their shoes off in the house?? I think this must be a European thing, not a Polish thing. Because both of those things are normal to me and I’m not Polish.

    • QYB

      definitely a european thing, i’m serbian and i expect the same ahaha. i’m always so confused at an american’s house when i can’t find the garbage under there :P

    • Mark

      Uk here. I am English with Hungarian Partner we take off our shoes at the door and change into slippers. Visitors also remove shoes.

  • heronkady

    Nice one!
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  • Marcin

    So many true things. A few to add to the list.

    -Being looked at weird for drinking straight vodka
    -The shock of people leaving the house looking like they just woke up
    -Looking at friends weird when they walk around the house without slippers
    -walking into a house and seeing a cross, picture of Jesus, or John Paul II within the first minute
    -Being able to tell a Polish house just by the curtains from outside

  • http://gravatar.com/rosiemccapp rosiemccapp

    I love Poland and Polish people. This was great!

    • http://mangopeels.wordpress.com mathewpaulk

      i know this sounds a bit perverted but you look hot ;)

  • Cynthia

    hahaha im polish too and i hate peanut butter and always get asked to speak it, too

    • ENDI

      You can speak peanut butter?

      • Danielle


  • Danuta


    • Maurycy

      A ja sie czuje Polakiem kiedy czytam stereotypowe gadki o Poloni, ktore sa publikowane przez popluczyny owej. Dziecko drogie. Pomysl przez sekunde. Chcesz miec cos wspolnego z Polska to przeczytaj jedna (1) ksiazke opublikwana w tym kraju.

  • Eddie

    Fajny artykuł! I’m not even Polish but I’ve been living in Poland for the last three years and I got a kick out of this. Pozdrawiam z Krakowa!

  • http://twitter.com/NikaFromPeopleG Nika (@NikaFromPeopleG)

    “When did you come to America?”
    “Oh, so you’re American.”

    Fucking hate when this happens to me!!!

  • http://atticiq.wordpress.com IQ

    This is an interesting- and entertaining- post. Makes you want to do a “Time I feel American” one! :)

  • Karoline

    Having your name misspelled/mispronounced nearly every day. The other day someone said to me “oh, you spell your name like a Kardashian!!” really excitedly because I spell Karoline with a “K”. I just shook my head and said “no, it’s the Polish spelling”. And don’t even get me started on the last name!

    And I can totally relate with the no ice thing! My family will go out to restaurants and nearly all of us always order drinks with no ice!

  • http://www.facebook.com/GypsyDave Dave Carmocan

    Even though I am Romanian, I can relate to this so much. lol

  • Klaudia

    Haha. This was quite relatable. Polish pride. :D

  • http://backpackerina.wordpress.com backpackerina

    I love this, I wanted to write “Oh the best number is…” but all of them are plain true! And as in one of the comments: “Drinking straight vodka”. Well… I’m Polish.

  • http://burakkulalaland.blogspot.com Aleksadnra

    “Confusion and dismay when an American wedding ends at midnight.” I’m Polish and this scared shit out of me D:. But, hell yeah! I’m so happy to see such post on thought catalog after such a logn time of being a reader <3 owh my, i can't say how happy i am right now

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